After talking to countless women and noticing my own journey I have categorized our paths into three general themes—career woman/power path, mother/nurturing path, and beauty queen/sensuality path. Let me describe them briefly and in gross generalization to paint a picture.
The career woman on a path of power has developed her masculine side and knows how to compete in the world. She has chosen her field, become good at it, and directs her energy to her accomplishments—past, present, and future. She often prefers the company of men, has little in common with women who fondle over the newest baby, and if she spends time exercising it is to stay on top of her game or to socialize with others in her field at the gym.
The mothering woman on a nurturing path has chosen to take care of others whether in her own home or in her career. Often a mother, she may not be. She can also be a caretaker of her elderly or disabled family member, a nanny or housekeeper for other people’s families, or a nurse or psychologist. In some way her primary activity is in helping others. She is often uncomfortable around powerful people because she has spent so little energy feeling good about her looks or her own personal status in the world and this becomes obvious in their company.
The beauty queen woman on a path of sensuality learned early on that her looks gave her power and so she has invested much of her time keeping her body in shape and her clothes put together. Whether she is buying expensive clothing or shopping at thrift stores she knows the image she is looking for. She rarely goes out without feeling put together. Not always, but usually she has a stronger connection to her body and sensual life than the other two. She may be a mother or a career woman, but her priority to herself and her looks did not take second fiddle to her family or her career.
Each of these paths has both their gifts and their demons. If we are fluid in each then we can tap into their gifts as needed. If we are stuck in a role, then the gifts of the other two are often out of reach. Perhaps the demons of the role we are stuck in are more apparent than the gifts to which we once aspired.
Some of us have been on more than one of these paths at different times of our lives. Many of us have shunned at least one of these paths as foreign territory. Some of us are proud of our accomplishments in our path and others of us feel shame. Yet, ultimately when we put the ego aside the real test of if our path is whole is — how alive do we feel at the end of the day. Are we drained or are we fulfilled? How complete do we feel? Is our life full and rich and juicy? Can we tap into more than one aspect of being feminine? Or do we feel envious or judgmental at women strong on another path?
(If you want to learn more about how balanced you are in these areas and receive a free meditation to help you increase the richness of your life take my Feminine Balance Quiz.)
If you find you are more often exhausted than exhilarated I suggest you have become stuck in a role your path dictated rather than being yourself on this path. Roles and masks can keep us from really living. The good news is they can be unraveled easier than you may think. Our goal is to be fully alive, celebrating our strengths and growing in the areas we have left untouched lately—being able to be fully feminine in each aspect of the feminine.
Most of us do not attempt to let those other parts of us out because we are afraid of the affect it might have on our cherished existing life. We may have buried memories of past times we became more sensual, powerful, or vulnerably nurturing and something bad happened. Often when we cannot stand our role and hiding behind our mask any longer we shatter our existing life causing all sorts of wreckage in ours and other’s lives in order to break free.
I suggest neither staying stuck or major revolution is necessary. If you do the inner work to reengage with the whole of you the changes will happen organically rather than violently. And you will create a life that enlivens you and honors where you have been—all at the same time.
We will talk more about that inner work next time.
