Occasionally I get hit with something I really don’t want. You know the days–unwanted news, unexpected losses, or really, really inconvenient changes to your life plans.
On those days, don’t you wish you could just rid your life of all the things you don’t like? I mean, really, wouldn’t it be sweet to experience fun and laughter, peace and serenity every day? And aren’t you so much nicer when life is going your way?
The thing I am learning is that everything–yep, everything–can be for my highest good when I am open to it.
It is like life is a great big smorgasbord serving up all sorts of options for me to select.
At a buffet I often try things I’ve never had; and occasionally I have to spit the morsel out into my napkin. Nope not to my taste! I don’t get angry at the chef; nor do I feel cheated in any way. Until I try certain delicacies I actually don’t know I don’t like them. And once I do, I can be really clear not to pick it up again.
However, in life, until recently, I seemed to believe the universe should only offer me that which pleases me and felt upset when things didn’t go as I desired–especially if I felt I had worked hard for a different outcome. Now I am starting to see that life does not care which things I choose from her smorgasbord, she is just offering me options. I am the one who has chosen to pick up this experience for some reason and it is me that needs to put it down if I don’t like it.
When you know what you don’t want, you will know what you do.
The more discerning I become about what I do and don’t want, the better I am getting at creating experiences that match my desires. I realize my discernment has come from experiencing many things I did not enjoy, so I am beginning to see these negative experiences as part of my training to be a 5-star chef of my own life. If I hadn’t experienced both the really great times and the horribly low ones I could only create a mediocre life.
So what about the times you feel like someone else must have put this disgusting tasting thing on your plate because you didn’t order it?
I have had a lot of experiences that did not feel like I ordered them from life–my father dying when I was a teen, a bitter divorce, a wildfire burning my land and business. Because I tend to be the type of person who thinks everything is my fault, I have to be careful with the spiritual teachings that encourage me to take responsibility for my life, no matter what. You know the jargon, “You drew this to you…”
Overtime, I have learned to change my perspective on these and other unwanted things I felt “happened to me.”
- From my father’s death I became compassionate to people’s inner sufferings, have helped countless friends through life crises, and became a grief coach helping many people navigate the tender journey of grieving a major loss. Would I choose loosing my father at that young age? No. Did good come from it? Absolutely, yes.
- From a divorce that was not wanted and bitter on both sides in it’s early years, I have learned deep forgiveness for myself and another human being–way beyond what I thought possible. I also now recognize how unhappy I was and how he gifted me in leaving, because I never would have left. Maybe I did unconsciously put this morsel on my plate by asking life for a relationship he was unable to provide.
- From the fire I found surrender in many things–not everything being under my control, having to work with my ex-husband after our divorce and forge new bonds, learning that starting over is not the end of the world but an opportunity for a fresh beginning. I am someone who perseveres at all costs, perhaps longer than is healthy. The fire and its long-term consequences on my life were the universe’s kick in the a** to move on.
The next time you don’t like what is on your plate of life just say, “No, thank you. I would prefer …..” Then quickly put your attention on what you do want and keep it there.
One of my past spiritual teachers often spoke of the day he learned to ride his motorcycle on mountain roads in Colorado. His friend finally pulled over to a rest stop and told him, “Look where you want to go, not where you don’t want to be, or you will end up off these cliffs!” My daughters’ horseback riding instructors always told them the same thing.
It is a great lesson for motorcycles, horses, and life!
Look where you want to go, or end up where you don’t want to be!
The net of all this is:
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Appreciate life’s buffet. She is offering you a cornucopia of options.
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Learn from experiences you don’t like so you don’t have to taste them a second time.
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Say no quickly and use life’s less than tasty treats to help you know what you do like and create what you love.
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Move quickly from focusing on the thing you don’t want that you are experiencing to what you would prefer.
