One of the worst things women do to themselves is compare themselves to others–especially other women.
Yet, as women, we are frequently doing this. I know I have found myself guilty as charged on numerous occasions. Have you?
I remember during a rough spot in my marriage dropping my son off at a friend’s house for a sleep over. Since I, too, was friends with most of his friends’ parents, I stayed and visited for quite awhile before leaving him there for the night. When I got back in my car to drive home I actually sobbed before driving off because they seemed to have such a wonderful relationship and mine seemed to be falling apart.
Only a few months later at the dropoff to school, this child’s mother came to give me her son’s overnight things since he was coming home with me after school. With a concerned look on her face she explained her son might be overly emotional because his dad and her had just told the family they were getting divorced! I was shocked. We talked for awhile and I offered any help I could give.
Driving away from the school I was overwhelmed with the feeling of how little we really know about the shoes in which anyone else walks. How can we compare ourselves to others when we actually have such inadequate data for our comparisons?
On the flip side of these comparisons, I often have women tell me they could never succeed the way I have because they aren’t as ….. as me. Have you thought that about someone? Most of the ways you fill in the blanks on that statement are full of inadequate data, being pumped up with illusions that someone else always knows more, has more, is more, and can do more than you. They are not filled with truth and facts.
What can you do to fill the space where you normally compare yourself and break this way of looking at yourself and the world?
- Rather than find someone who can do it better than you; look for someone who you excel past!
- Every time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone; stop right then. Find five people who you can pay a complement to or congratulate on something. Make them feel good about themselves. (You will be amazed at this simple act and I will discuss it in more detail in another blog.)
- Go look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself five things you like about you. Look yourself in the eye when you say it.
Commit to doing this and you will find a mound of benefits flow into your life. Without changing your education, looks, or position you will find:
- A greater network of resources as people become less risky as competition and more likely friends.
- Increased confidence to tackle the tough stuff.
- Greater ability to ask the people you think do it better for help.
- Clarity on your true strengths and weaknesses so you can focus on what you do well.
- More energy, vitality and enthusiasm–all of which are magic bullets to having, doing and being who you want to be!
