Author Archives: Amy Beilharz

Do You Resist Change?

I do not easily embrace change.  Do you?

I clung to my marraige long past its healthy life.  I have remained in my family home–with all its memories of another time–probably longer than was good for me starting a new life. I love creating warm, cuddly environments and then I rarely want to move from them. I am very flexible and “go with the flow” in most situations; so I deceive myself about how hard it is for me to really move willingly into big changes.

Some people are definitely more inclined to jump with both feet into change whenever the opportunity arises, and others, like me, are slow to put our toes in the water. What is your nature?

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

– Charles Darwin – 1809-1882, Naturalist and Geologist

Ironically, in business I understand completely that the companies who are able to change and adjust to their environment are the ones that succeed.  I actually am good at it in a business arena, just not my personal life.  So it is time to bring my innate knowledge of adaptability in business to my own personal life.

I will be making many changes in the coming months.  It is both exciting and terrifying!  I will keep you posted on my progress at jumping in the water.

When facing a miscarriage

This is for any of you who have ever lost a baby.  I remember my own miscarriage and the years of stiffled pain I held inside. I want to share with you a beautiful poem by Paula Brancato.

 

The only time I ever cried at the gym,

apart from when I broke a balance beam with my

head, was in yoga class.  The teacher,

in her bow pose, switched on “Love

to love you, baby.”   Right into the second

chakra it went, just above my pubic bone, when something

very much like my head, but lower, burst.

 

Only a month before, I had lost a baby I wanted

and a man I didn’t, one after the other.

 

In my bow pose, holding my ankles,

pelvis rocking on the mat, I started to cry.

 

I had no idea my body had baby memory.

A current ran through me, very like when my head

unexpectedly hit the beam and I found I was still

alive, or when years later, I held my mother as my grandmother

died, feeling through her body, my grandmother’s life in me.

In the yoga class, what I felt was distinctly the other

way around, a life that almost was but now would never be.

A part of me had died, and a smaller part of my mother

and an even smaller part of my mother’s mother and so on.

 

Paula Brancato

 

Are You Addicted to Accomplishments?

Are you driven by checking off your accomplishments? Or do you find pleasure on the road to completion as well?

I recently learned that Dopamine, one of the key hormones we produce, gets triggered each time we have a sense of accomplishment, which can actually make us addicted to checking things off our lists because it makes us feel good physiologically!

I am a little releived to know my weird habit of adding things to my list that weren’t originally on it just so I can check it off is actually not that uncommon. The sense of accomplishment you get when you check something off your list gives your body a little zap of dopamine.

But the benefits from oxytocin–the hormone released at childbirth, nursing and every time we hug someone– actually last longer and has the ability to reduce addictive behaviors like overworking, shopping, or any other pattern used to get a shot of dopamine.

Isn’t that interesting?  If on your path to check off your next big accomplishment you spend more time connecting with co-workers, shaking hands, hugging, and being in relationship you will actually get the benefit of the dopamine at the end of the journey AND a wonderful happy feeling along the way from oxytocin.

“Don’t worry your life away waiting for the elusive prize at journey’s end. The journey is the prize.”

– Marsha Mercant – Actor, Singer, and Writer

Create Your Own Endless Summer

Do you wish to let summer linger just a little longer? Whether your kids are going back to school, college kids are moving away, or it’s vacations that end just a little too soon there always seems to be an element of “I’m not quite ready…” that hangs in the air this time of year.

Do you notice it?

This year, rather than feel that longing as an inevitable part of life, I have decided to look at what specifically I grieve loosing as summer comes to an end. Then I plan to explore how can I incorporate more of those things into the rest of my year.

I suggest you join me in this exercise and see how you, too, can create a life that better meets your needs more of the year. (For my tribe down under, spend a little time imagining summer and then jump in, even though its winter for you. The imagining of the warmth will do you good!)

Here are the steps I suggest you try:

  1. List all the qualities of summer you enjoy. What about summer makes it a special time of year?
  2. List all the activities you usually only do in the summer.
  3. List anything else that comes to mind when you think of summer.
  4. Now go through your list and notice which ones bring up the fondest memories, the biggest smile, or just a feeling of ahhhhh! Highlight those.
  5. Lastly, start to imagine creative ways to incorporate some of these activities into your life year round.

As an example, one of my favorite parts of summer is our family vacation—whether we travel to adventurous places or just travel down the road to a place close by our family vacations have always been a highlight of my year.

As my children move out and into adulthood this time has become even more sacred for me—time for us to reconnect without distractions and be a “whole” once more.

Although I cannot expect everyone’s schedules to allow for us to do a family vacation every season, I have decided this year to proactively plan into my year trips to see my children where they live. It will allow me to extend the benefits of feeling connected, being playful and enjoying them that I now attribute to summer.

The key here is I am going to plan these trips now, rather than wait. Otherwise life, work, and other commitments rapidly fill my windows of opportunities and these trips either don’t come to pass, or are combo trips without the same pizzazz!

One of the reasons our summer vacations become so good, is because we all know about them, plan for them and contribute to their success.This year, even if the interim trips are very simple I will not be waiting around for next summer’s family vacation; instead I will be creating mini-vacations with my kids all year long.

Share you ah-ha’s with me and the ways you will be exploring creating your endless summer!

Mentors, role-models and inspiration

Did you know that some people’s mentors are not even alive, yet influence their success immensely?

It’s true. You can be led and guided just by learning about someone you respect and see as having reached greater success than you.  

That is why so many successful people read biographies of famous people–to learn their secrets as best they can. In Napoleon Hill’s work he talks about convening regular meetings with people long dead to review his problems from each of their perspectives, as best he could imagine having studied them.

Who might you convene, if you could, to help you find creative solutions to your own problems? Here are a few ideas to get your creativity going.

  • Mother Teresa
  • Oprah Winfrey
  • Marianne Williamson
  • Queen Elizabeth I
  • Eleanor Rosevelt
  • Golda Meir
  • Margarent Thatcher
  • Marie Curie
  • Margaret Mead
  • Indira Ghandi
  • Sandra Day O’Conner
  • Rosa Parks
  • Gloria Steinem

The list of powerful women is endless. Find those that you admire, respect, or even those with a certain quality you lack and would like to cultivate–even if you do not like the person’s views.

For this same reason, I bring to you each month my Interviews with Influential Women.  In each interview you get a glipse of what each of these women did to achieve their success, the stuggles they surmounted, and their views on issues facing women, like you, today.

To read this month’s interview, and any of the prior ones, click here.

How many hats do you wear in your life?

In a world where you hustle from one commitment to the next, keeping all your plates spinning can be a constant challenge.  Usually we look at this from the view of a work and life balance as if they are two separate and distinct compartments.

The tasks competing for your time can be overwhelming, especially if you make endless to-do lists.  But maybe there is an easier way to look at your life and make juggling your many plates a little easier.  Forget viewing everything as equally demanding of your time or a long list you must endlessly prioritize.

Instead, look at the demands on your time from the view of the many different hats you wear. Start to catagorize demands on your time into these different roles rather than separate responsibilities.

What are all the hats you wear and roles you play in an average week or month?

You have the major hats you wear. These might be roles like:

  • Boss
  • Wife
  • Mother
  • Employee

But you probably also put on a number of other hats each day, week or month that you should add to the list.

  • Volunteer
  • Dog walker
  • Counselor for friends
  • Health consultant for family
  • Family maid service
  • Yard maintenance
  • You might even wear different hats with different people; list them.

Make your list as complete as you can, including all the hats you wear–whether chosen or out of duty.  Start to notice how much time each week you invest wearing these different hats. You may find that although one of them is extremely important to you, you don’t put that hat on nearly as often as another you really don’t enjoy wearing.

Then turn to your heart and ask which of these roles are your heart’s priorities. Pick your top three to five hats that you wish to wear, no matter what!

If your time investment is not aligned with the top five roles you desire to play, then it is time for a reset!

From this vantage point of roles you can start to assess if there are hats you wear that someone else could just as easily put on, freeing your time to wear the hats that matter.  It also allows you to lump many seemingly insignificant tasks that take up a lot of time into roles that matter and roles that do not.

Often I have been perplexed when a well-meaning friend has offered to help me by doing something that on the surface seems like it took a great load off my list; however, I resisted.  I now realize when I look at my responsibilities from this new angle that they were taking something that made sense from shortening my list, but was one of the hats I love.

By assessing your competing responsibilities by which hat your wear to do it you will find yourself free to make easier choices that lighten your load AND enliven your life.  When you put hats on that make you smile and inspire you more often then you have more energy for the rest of your work-life.

Balance can be restored by negotiating with others to pitch in on the hats you don’t enjoy, hiring help, or just putting those hats on much less often.  Your confidence will also be boosted as you tend to the things that matter; because we all know when things that matter are well everything else is so much easier.

The final take away is sometimes in order to juggle this work-life balance issue we try to do multiple things at one time. My advice is to drop that tactic, focus on what matters, who matters, and what really counts.

You always look better wearing one hat at a time.

 

create a blue zone routine

Create Your Own Blue Zone Routines

August is often the start of hectic activities to resume our regular routines. Here is why, and how creating your own Blue Zone routine is important.

Whether you are getting ready to send your children back to school, or you are just starting back into a more regular work week as employees, you and your customers are all back from vacations — the end of summer schedules is near.

As you begin to ramp back up into your regular routine I suggest you think about creating routines that better align with your desires and your health — rather than doing what you have always done.

I often talk about how creating a life you love will feed your soul and your pocketbook. And it is true. Plus, creating routines that feed your inspiration actually improve your health and life span!

In his book, The Blue Zones, Dan Buettner describes nine key lessons he discovered while researching the places around the world where people live longer than average. He looked at places where people lived to over 100 healthy at rates significantly higher than average — blue zones. Many things he found also match what I have learned about success.

Here are key points you will want include in your routine this fall:

  • Regular physical exercise — preferably outside rather than in a gym helps your body be strong and reduces stress.
    • Walking five miles a day or more every day seems common in blue zones.
    • Gardening is another great form of exercise that uses a wide range of motions and gives you a source of fresh vegetables.
  • Choose work you love, rather than work to later do what you love.
  • Find purpose in your life so you wake up enthusiastic for your day.
  • Take time for family — many blue zones have strong family time in their lives. In fact, they put family first.
    • Develop and cherish a strong social network; family and friends who will have your back and you will have theirs emotionally, financially and physically. Make sure the people you spend the most time with honor the same values and goals you do.
  • Take time daily to admire what is beautiful in your world. Stop and enjoy it.
  • If your routine does not include much laughter, start new ones that allow for more joy in your daily life.
  • Keep learning. Look for ways to expand your mind regularly.

Here is to your happy, healthy, Blue Zone routines. Do you have one to add?

The road to financial empowerment

Alexa von Tobel dropped out of business school to start LearnVest. Her mission is to make financial planning affordable to everyone, not just the elite!

Financial empowerment is a tall goal since so many people in our world think nothing more about financial planning than how to make this week’s paycheck stretch to the next!

I don’t know how this looks in the rest of the world, but according to the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System’s 2014 Report on  the Economic Well-Being of U.S. Households:

  • 34% of Americans feel under financial stress
  • 59% spend all or more money than they earn.
  • 47% cannot handle an unexpected expense greater than $400.

Because women often let finances become a black hole they avoid, I think Alexa’s company can be the entry point you need to get off the starting point in this area of your life.

And let’s face it, when you do not feel empowered financially everything else starts to become weaker, too.

LearnVest is structured with a minimum start up fee and then small monthly fees for tools, structure, and on-going online guidance.  I haven’t used it and am not selling it; but I have to say the concept is brilliant. Every get rich book you read or seminar you attend will always advise you to start finding ways to put 10% of every pay check away.  I like to call it “paying myself.”

But once you do that if you have never invested in the stock market, don’t know the difference between the Dow Jones Industrials and Fortune 500, and are pretty clear earning less than 1% at your local bank is not going to get you rich — where do you turn?

I recommend you check out LearnVest as they have free online budget programs and other free tools. Their blogs I read have some spot on financial advice and once you explore it if you decide to invest in the program you will probably find even more there.

Whether you choose this or any other forum for becoming more educated about your finances and controling them–rather than running from them–you will be a more empowered woman. It will give you choices and help you create a life you enjoy.

Start somewhere. Each step moves you closer to feeling good about you.

 

How do you compare?

One of the worst things women do to themselves is compare themselves to others–especially other women.

Yet, as women, we are frequently doing this. I know I have found myself guilty as charged on numerous occasions.  Have you?

I remember during a rough spot in my marriage dropping my son off at a friend’s house for a sleep over. Since I, too, was friends with most of his friends’ parents, I stayed and visited for quite awhile before leaving him there for the night. When I got back in my car to drive home I actually sobbed before driving off because they seemed to have such a wonderful relationship and mine seemed to be falling apart.

Only a few months later at the dropoff to school, this child’s mother came to give me her son’s overnight things since he was coming home with me after school. With a concerned look on her face she explained her son might be overly emotional because his dad and her had just told the family they were getting divorced! I was shocked. We talked for awhile and I offered any help I could give.

Driving away from the school I was overwhelmed with the feeling of how little we really know about the shoes in which anyone else walks. How can we compare ourselves to others when we actually have such inadequate data for our comparisons?

On the flip side of these comparisons, I often have women tell me they could never succeed the way I have because they aren’t as ….. as me. Have you thought that about someone? Most of the ways you fill in the blanks on that statement are full of inadequate data, being pumped up with illusions that someone else always knows more, has more, is more, and can do more than you. They are not filled with truth and facts.

What can you do to fill the space where you normally compare yourself and break this way of looking at yourself and the world?

  1. Rather than find someone who can do it better than you; look for someone who you excel past!
  2. Every time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone; stop right then. Find five people who you can pay a complement to or congratulate on something. Make them feel good about themselves. (You will be amazed at this simple act and I will discuss it in more detail in another blog.)
  3. Go look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself five things you like about you. Look yourself in the eye when you say it.

Commit to doing this and you will find a mound of benefits flow into your life.  Without changing your education, looks, or position you will find:

  • A greater network of resources as people become less risky as competition and more likely friends.
  • Increased confidence to tackle the tough stuff.
  • Greater ability to ask the people you think do it better for help.
  • Clarity on your true strengths and weaknesses so you can focus on what you do well.
  • More energy, vitality and enthusiasm–all of which are magic bullets to having, doing and being who you want to be!

 

5 Easy Steps to Increase Your Happiness

Everyone wants to be happier.  We chase after things, relationships and success hoping one of them will be the key that changes the balance in our life to greater happiness.

Yet, I have noticed that the happiest people I know are not always the ones with more toys, or outer success in relationships or careers.  So what is the key?

In this Ted Talk, Shawn Achor gives great examples of why so much of what we do doesn’t bring happiness and he ends with 5 actions that do.  They are things I can vouch for as helping me sustain a positive outlook during a rough time in my life after loosing my mom and brother to cancer in the same year, getting divorced and having my business and family land burn in a wild fire.

Aside from my children and friends, these are the things that saved me, and they can boost your life, too.

  1. Write down things you are grateful for each day.  Shawn says three, I like to journal about it each night before bed.  It reminds me of what is going well and helps train my mind to look for the good.
  2. Journal about something that went well each day. This helps you replay something good in your mind which actually gives you all the benefit of having it happen again because your subconscious mind doesn’t differentiate between reality and what you think about.
  3. Exercise.  We all know this increases a sense of well-being. The question is are you doing it?
  4. Meditate. Meditation is not about making your mind completely still.  It is about focus and returning to your focus again and again until you get really good at it. There are numerous studies on the benefit of meditation on our well being.  It lowers cortisol and can be as rejuvinating as 8 hours of sleep.
  5. Random acts of kindness.  In his Ted Talk, Shawn suggests employees in companies he consults with start each day by sending a positive email to someone–complimenting their work, noting something they did that was appreciated, anything.  This creates a good feeling in the person doing the random act as well as the one who receives it.  I love this idea and am implementing it starting tomorrow!

I would love to hear how you increase your happiness!