Category Archives: empowerment

5 Easy Steps to Increase Your Happiness

Everyone wants to be happier. We chase after things, relationships and success hoping one of them will be the key that changes the balance in our life to greater happiness.

Yet, I have noticed that the happiest people I know are not always the ones with more toys, or outer success in relationships or careers. So what is the key?

In this Ted Talk, Shawn Achor gives great examples of why so much of what we do doesn’t bring happiness and he ends with 5 actions that do. They are things I can vouch for as helping me sustain a positive outlook during a rough time in my life after loosing my mom and brother to cancer in the same year, getting divorced and having my business and family land burn in a wild fire.

Aside from my children and friends, these are the things that saved me, and they can boost your life, too.

Write down things you are grateful for each day. Shawn says three, I like to journal about it each night before bed. It reminds me of what is going well and helps train my mind to look for the good.
Journal about something that went well each day. This helps you replay something good in your mind which actually gives you all the benefit of having it happen again because your subconscious mind doesn’t differentiate between reality and what you think about.
Exercise. We all know this increases a sense of well-being. The question is are you doing it?
Meditate. Meditation is not about making your mind completely still. It is about focus and returning to your focus again and again until you get really good at it. There are numerous studies on the benefit of meditation on our well being. It lowers cortisol and can be as rejuvinating as 8 hours of sleep.
Random acts of kindness. In his Ted Talk, Shawn suggests employees in companies he consults with start each day by sending a positive email to someone–complimenting their work, noting something they did that was appreciated, anything. This creates a good feeling in the person doing the random act as well as the one who receives it. I love this idea and am implementing it starting tomorrow!

I would love to hear how you increase your happiness!

When the feminine finds her voice

Our world will be healed, our lifestyles will be sustainable, our communities will thrive and our relationships will be enlivening only when the feminine is valued, nurtured and has a voice.

Although this blog speaks to women, eventually strong women lead to men and women valuing the feminine in each of us.

And this is where balance can be found. Since the 1960’s women have developed and honored our own masculine traits. It was a difficult and bold change from our fore-mothers. Although we still have a long way to go, women now have more power and influence in our world than ever before in recorded history.

Yet, we journeyed here at a severe cost to our internal feminine compass.

It is incumbent upon women in this new era to raise our feminine while continuing to honor and develop our own masculine.

It is essential we find our voice in ways that encourage the masculine in our men, rather than demean them. Balancing our own masculine and feminine natures – and requiring the men we choose relationships with to do the same – will create new co-empowered relationships in our homes, communities, work places and government.

In her book “Mutant Down Under”, Marlo Morgan asked the aboriginal wise woman/grandmother which was more important in their culture – men’s work or women’s work?

It took multiple translations back and forth before the grandmother replied, “I understand her words, but her question does not make sense. Both men and women’s work is essential for the survival of the tribe.”

Look at our school systems, our health care system, our economy, the environment and our government. The survival of our tribe is at stake!

We must start with our inner world. And it will come as no surprise that a constant reminder to find your inner roadmap (its joys, its detours and potholes) becomes loudest when raising a child. For women having our daughters enter adolescence can truly be a wake up call to our own unprocessed issues about being a woman. Of course, there are many other paths that call for us to wake up as well — the death of a loved one, divorce, illness, and most other significant changes in our “plan” can do it.

The survival of our human tribe depends on women learning to influence the fabric of our culture from our deep inner feminine wisdom. We must walk away from the trance of our culture and remember our place in the circle of life. We must remember our worth, so we speak our truth and inspire ourselves and our men to bold acts of integrity and soul-filled businesses, governments, and economies.

It is within our grasp.

8 Tips for a More Balanced Life

Recently, I was asked what my best advice was for women maintaining a work-life balance. My answer was I don’t believe in work-life balance — and that’s the truth.

The only people worried about it are those who are uninspired by their work. The rest of us are engaged and enjoying what we do, so forcing some balance seems arbitrary and unnecessary.

For example, it is Sunday while I am writing this blog and most people might think if I were leading a balanced life I would not be working.

However, I have spent most of my day reading interesting articles about new business ideas, learning about what some amazing women are doing and bringing it to you in the way of upcoming blogs. I have enjoyed myself thoroughly, while pursing my deep desire to empower women. I did not need to look for balance.

At the same time, people pursuing their passion successfully are also usually good at taking care of themselves to ensure they have the energy, focus and creativity to be successful.

So let’s look at some of the most important ways you can keep yourself well-positioned for success by taking care of yourself — this is how I keep myself healthy and happy.

I work on my important big tasks early in the day before meetings, email or other daily trivia can overwhelm my time. This always includes activity that is moving my BIG goal forward, since I know from experience that I become enthusiastic when I am working on something I feel passionate about. That enthusiasm seeps into everything else I do all day long.
I plan my important tasks ahead of time for the week and usually end my work day with a list of what is important for the next day, rather than just take what comes. By planning ahead, I have more control over my time and am less at the effect of all the minor emergencies of life. And when real emergencies do take me away, I know what my priorities are when I resume, so I spend less time reconstructing my day.
I avoid multi-tasking, so that my focus is on the task at hand. That way, I complete things faster, leaving me free to be present for my family and friends when I elect to.
Eat healthy, home-cooked meals often using real ingredients that are as close to the way mother-nature provided them as possible. We are what we eat–it affects our moods, energy, focus and mental capacity. Although many busy people feel they cannot afford to take time to cook from scratch, my opinion is you cannot afford not to. This is one of the multi-tasking areas I indulge because cooking often becomes a social event for me–time to catch up with a child or friend while cooking together. With such a large household (4 kids plus a nephew who lived with us and often friends for dinner), I always cook large quantities that allow me to have home cooked leftovers eliminating the need to cook at every meal.
Exercise regularly. I like to mix my exercise between long walks to clear my head, gardening to feed my soul and going to yoga or Pilates classes to build my strength.
Lastly, something I am learning to do better — take “real” breaks, not pretend breaks from work. My fake breaks include looking at social media sites (which although are entertaining and a great way to learn about friends) usually end up including me posting on my business page or linking to articles that become research for a book or program. I get much greater rejuvenation from a phone call or dinner with a friend, or cooking a meal with one of my children completely away from anything work related.
Enjoy life. Although I am working on a Sunday, I left my work behind yesterday to spend the morning with my daughter who will leave soon for her gap year travels. Then, a friend unexpectedly came to visit in the afternoon, and I went out to a movie and dinner with friends in the evening. Was there work that needed to be done? Yes, when isn’t there? But having fun is one of the ingredients to success.

I know the title of this blog is 8 tips for a more balanced life and I just gave you seven. The first and most important tip was in the intro. Do what you love, follow your passion and balance will happen because you will feel more alive!

Embrace Your Inner Warrior

One of my great joys is to support other women and share with you their successes, passions and work.

Below is an excerpt from an upcoming book by my friend, Mickra Hamilton. I was so moved by her writing that I am sharing it with you here. It may introduce to you a side of yourself you have forgotten.

“The Return Of The Sacred Feminine”

I sit at this moment drowning in emotion. Consumed by a grief that is so deep and ancient I hardly know what to do with it. I feel both sad to the core and sick in the stomach at a realization that is coming to the forefront of my awareness. This realization has been boiling gently under the surface for a very long time. Certainly all of this lifetime and I suspect many of those that I have experienced in alternate strands of time.

I knew from the time I was a young girl that I was a warrior, that I exhibited strength beyond that which was portrayed by the superheroes in the movies. I knew myself to be a powerful and competent creature that was unlimited and unstoppable. Unfortunately while the younger me knew that to be true everyone else had forgotten. The knowledge of the sacred feminine warrior had been lost.

Oppressed, perhaps purposely to keep us from remembering that we are all one.

Somewhere along the timeline of history stories were created to separate women from their strength, to remove the vast power to lead and to heal that was innate to their very existence. Cultural expectations and stereotypes were developed that became so deeply ingrained that they would not likely be overcome for many generations, if that was even possible.

The programs of powerlessness, self-doubt, shame, guilt and fear embedded so deeply in the collective feminine psyche that all but a very few were unable to see through the illusion and rise to reclaim their power. Those who did were branded as heretics, fallen women or just plain crazy. They were judged at every turn as they stood alone but they didn’t care because they had seen through the programs to know the truth.

The truth was that they were strong and incredibly competent, that they were amazing leaders and powerful agents for change.

They remembered that they were the nurturers and the creative beauty in the world. They realized that they possessed a strength that could not be taken away, an internal compass that vectored them on a path that would change and eventually heal the world.

They put their heads into the wind with discipline and a determination that produced oneness of focus; following a single pointed vision. This decision to live their truth and create a shift in the lives of all women in humanity was one that did not come without cost. More often than not they felt alone, abandoned by their family and peers, criticized by even those who appeared to be supporters and yet they never gave up. They worked tirelessly toward the goal of creating long lasting change. The goal of one day living in a world that honored the sacred feminine for the beauty and unconditional love that it brings to humanity.

We honor these powerful women who did not back down, who did not give in and did not give up. We are on the verge of a massive revolution, a shift so great that it will turn the world as we know it, upside down. We are moving into an evolutionary turning point so vast that we are unable to even fully comprehend it in this moment.

We will quickly move into a new era, one that is filled with hope and equality, a time that has often been dreamed of and written about. What approaches swiftly is a beauty so great that it is difficult to look upon, a love so deep that it is endless, a power of such magnitude that it will shatter the programs that run so deeply in the human collective psyche. The war drums have sounded, the sacred feminine warrior has returned to earth and nothing will remain the same.

Mickra Hamilton, AuD. is Director of Wellness at Physiologix Wellness Institute.

Role models for young girls

Statistics show that young girls who excel at science and math start to shy away from S.T.E.M. subjects (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) by the time they reach college — usually long before, as early as middle school.

Three major experiences affect whether your daughter will follow this trend or pursue these fields if she loves them:

Does she have adults who encourage her to continue excelling in these areas…
Is she ridiculed by friends and especially boys for being “too smart”…
Does she see older female role models excelling in S.T.E.M…

The first one you can directly affect by your own influence and belief in her skills. Your choice of schools where teachers are known for encouraging girls to continue in S.T.E.M subjects can greatly add to your personal efforts. And the school you select also affects the amount of support or ostracizing your daughter will experience from peers.

Today, more than ever before, there are many amazing role models for your daughter to see as successful in S.T.E.M.

It is up to you she gets exposed to articles, Ted Talks, conferences and other avenues that give her the courage believe in herself — whatever that might be.

Stay-tuned. I will curate a list of successful women in these fields for you to follow and explore with your daughter soon.

Lessons from Independence Celebrations

Last week, Canada and the United States celebrated their independence. Soon, the French will celebrate Bastille Day. Is there anything to be learned (not just celebrated) from the French and American revolutions or Canada’s move to independence without war that we can apply in our individual lives today?

I found something incredibly important this year that can change your life, just like the French and American Revolutions changed history.

I have always loved the fireworks, barbecues, and gatherings of family and friends on the 4th of July. If I am honest, I have spent very little time thinking about American history since leaving high school (Independence Day being one of the few reminders of my privileges of wise people from times past). So I was surprised on July 4th when I picked up my copy of Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich only to be reading a passage about the founding of the United States. If I had remembered this passage was in the book from prior readings, I still would not have been able to find it easily. Yet, here on Independence Day this was the spot in the book I was at.

Hill points out the the real point in history to celebrate was not the winning of the war, or even the signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4th 1776. He points out the many prior decisions that allowed independence to be won. The keys Hill claims are moments that go unnoticed. Each small, seemingly insignificant decision leading up to July 4th were the real factors in winning independence — like Henry Lee, Samuel Adams and John Hancock starting a Correspondence Committee with the other colonies. Does anyone remember that?

It is our DECISIONS, not the actions that follow them, that determine our fate.

Every time I make a decision in my own life, I know things start to move much more quickly, and the actions I need to take seem easier. But in those times when I vacillate and wait, it only gets harder and harder to act. Do you find that true, too?

By nature, I don’t like to be wrong — no one does, but I take failure as an indicator of my worth. So making decisions has been something I have had to struggle with and grow in my capacity to do; not something that came easy. Ironically, I can make business decisions easy because I feel confident in that arena; but personal decisions affect my relationships, which I have always held sacred and unconsciously feared losing.

Take a moment to reflect on your own decision making muscle — how strong or weak is it? Are you better at making some decisions than others? Are there recurring issues in your life you have been unable to take action on?

Taking this back to Independence Day, you can see that NOTHING important can happen without a decision. If your life feels somewhat numb, or your dreams remain wishes year after year — I suggest you determine if it is your lack of making a decision that is the true culprit, not circumstances, holding you back.

Making decisions can be the scariest thing we do. What if something goes wrong? What if it doesn’t go the way I hope? What if others don’t like my decision? What if I make the wrong choice and miss out on something wonderful? What if…

Decisions can be the scariest thing we do — until we make the decision. Then, decisions become the most liberating thing we can do.

Each decision frees us to start taking action on a determined path, rather than remaining dis-empowered and waiting for something outside to happen. Decisions start to open doors and serendipitously bring people and events into our life to make things happen; but only after we decide.

Is there a decision you have been avoiding? Maybe this July as multiple countries of people are celebrating freedom it is time to use that energy to support you making a decision and experiencing the freedom that comes from definite decisions.

How do you know what brands to choose?

You want to buy from companies that support your values, right? But, have you wondered HOW you can investigate these companies, and the brands you buy from — without spending your entire day researching them?

Gender social activism meets consumerism!

Now there is an app for that! Buy Up Index rates consumer brands on key areas of interest to women (and probably many men, too).

They do the research, you direct your dollars to companies that score high on qualities like these:

Dedication to women’s leadership (exceeding current benchmarks in C-suite, boards, and management)
Working environment (factors like maternity/paternity leave, childcare and flextime)
Corporate citizenship (supporting women based causes)
Marketing tactics (things like the portrayal of gender roles and use of women’s bodies to sell products unrelated to women or their bodies)

Buy Up Index looks ranks corporations based on a concrete set of metrics and only those companies that make an “A” ranking are allowed to promote to those of us using the app. You can read more about their methodology on their website.

I have been pestering you for a while now to use your purchasing muscle to change the game. Buy Up Index has just made my admonition a whole lot easier. I love this quote by Anita Roddick, Founder of The Body Shop:

“Consumers have not been told effectively enough that they have huge power and that purchasing and shopping involves a moral choice.”

What moral choices can you make today that will make tomorrow better, for our daughters and for everyone?

Got Stress?

Do you feel stressed? Frequently?

I often walk a tight-rope between enthusiasm for something that keeps me working until late at night and feeling stressed and overloaded. Do you? We all know stress is not good for us, yet as a culture we seem almost addicted to it.

Here are some reasons you should care, and take action to reduce the stress levels in your life:

Regardless of the type or size of the stress, each time you experience it (for most of us this is multiple times per day) your body has some 1,400 biochemical events. Unchecked, this causes premature aging, impairs of cognitive function, drains our energy — basically it reduces our effectiveness and clarity.
Stress causes “cortical inhibition” which is the term brain researchers used to say it makes smart people do dumb things!
People become numb to stress and then it becomes the new normal. Unfortunately, just because you are not noticing it, stress is still wreaking havoc in your brain and body. Even small stresses accumulate stress hormones in the body unless we take active steps to remove them. Unobserved stress can show up as over-reacting to life events, which if you continue to ignore can end up in really poor decisions and even an unwanted health issue.
The American Medical Association notes that over 60% of ALL human illness and disease are caused by stress!

Notice: I did not start this list saying you should remove things in your life that cause stress, but that it is important to reduce your stress level?

That means our reaction to events is more important than the events. Your goal is to increase your ability to handle stressful events and quickly return to a state of calm.

At the Voice and Exit conference I went to recently, there were a number of talks about stress, it’s opposite – flow, and how we can become more effective. I also tested some fun products that help you relax.

Here is what I learned:

Breathing is top of every list.

Even the gadgets you can buy end up teaching you to breath deeper and more rhythmically. Try this every morning before getting out of bed and each evening before sleep. Then, use it during the day to reduce your stress levels and increase your brain power. Breathe in for five or more counts and then out for the same. Do this for at least two minutes while counting your breaths.

Real and imagined threats both create the same biochemical chain of events in your body.

I know we have all heard this, but it warrants repeating.

Our thoughts influence our level of stress as much or more than our outer circumstances.

If we are ruminating over what happened yesterday, last week, or last year again and again, we are triggering our body to go into fight or flight each time. This means noticing what goes on between our ears and taking control of it.

Deal with each stressful event when it arises; don’t hold on to it.

Easier said than done, but the amount of time wasted thinking about problems rather than acting on them could be as much as 25 to 50% of your day. Think of all the time you could free up — which would also decrease your stress levels — if you were not taking up so much space in your life this way.

Support yourself reducing stress with activities and tools that work for you.

Here are a few of my favorite stress busters I use:

Exercise, exercise, exercise. We hear it and yet so many of us still do not do it regularly. I know I often let this go faster than anything in times of pressure. My favorite ways to keep it in my routine are to take a 30 minute walk between projects or at the end of my day. Gardening. I love having my hands in the dirt, being around plants AND true confession — it fulfills my need to get something done, rather than just “take care of myself.” The issue is not what you do; but that you do it. Five minutes on a trampoline, or downward dog yoga position, or jumping jacks will help reset your hormone meter.
Sing out loud. You can do it when you are alone. Put the music on high and sing your heart out. Or do it in the shower. There is something cathartic about connecting our emotions with our voice in song.
Dance. Although this could be in the exercise list, dancing has an emotional component for me that takes it to a whole new level. I can dance by myself to my playlist, dance with my kids around the living room or go out dancing — and each time I feel something move in me. If you haven’t danced since you were a young adult or teenager, then I highly recommend you find some private time to reconnect with your body. It is great!
Joy. Dancing brings me joy which is why it is high on my list. But really all things that bring you into a state of joy work to lower cortisol and other stress hormones. Playing with your puppy, wrestling with your child, painting can all do the trick…what brings you joy?
Meditation. For those of you who meditate, you know how blessed this can be. For those of you who haven’t tried it, this is your invitation. Most people avoid meditation because they believe they cannot quiet their mind. But that is not your objective. Your goal is to notice when your mind has hijacked you into some story and gently return to your objective of calmness. Over time, your mind becomes the servant it is meant to be, and you become the master. Right now, it may be driving you around, instead of the other way around.
Get more sleep. This is hard for me because I think of myself as a night-owl and enjoy the work I get done when the house goes silent. However, the more I play with earlier sleep routines the more I am realizing what a great impact it has on my attitude and my effectiveness. I am converted!

I will follow up with a review of the products I tested at Voice and Exit soon and let you know what works.

Until then, notice how stressed you are — become observant, and then start to take action.

6 Ways to Answer “What can I do to make a difference?”

It’s easy to look around and feel that there is little you can do to make a difference, and affect real change. There are so many BIG issues I am passionate about; but it’s easy to wonder what I can possibly do to make a difference. Do you feel that way too?

Yet, every day in small, unobservable ways we are making a difference — either in support of our beliefs or often in direct opposition to the things we care about.

How we spend money, where we spend money, and what we invest in are all ways of voting for the causes we hold dear. Sometimes they actually are even more powerful than our votes during election time.

Here are just a few ways you could make a difference in your daily choices:

Buy local food where possible from farmer’s markets and CSA’s (Community Supported Agriculture). It will improve the lives of real people growing our food rather than factory farms that not only have poor practices that may be hurting your health but also often unfair treatment of the people doing the work at these farms and factories.
Buy clothing and accessories from companies that ethically source their products and commit to not using abusive practices or child labor to create your fashion. More and more options abound for these choices through companies like Etsy who creates a market for independent artisans and Raven & Lily who create stellar designs for women in 3rd world countries to produce and then bring these women’s efforts to our market for us to buy.
Look for and support emerging entrepreneurial companies in your community or online at places like The Grommet where new consumer ideas have a chance to be seen and supported by average people, rather than letting large retailers decide what you have to choose from.
Move your investments from companies and funds that have money in things you do not approve of to things you are passionate about — healthy food supply, energy resources, child labor, environmental issues, education, or anything you deem critical to future generations.
Ask about and investigate the companies that you do the most business with, rather than assume they value the same things you do.
Look for ways to find solutions that improve your contribution to the world that do not break your bank or your back by thinking outside the box. When my first child was born, I was appalled by the amount of diapers going into our landfills. But I was a corporate executive with no time and no inclination to wash cloth diapers. Then, a friend gave me a present of one month of diaper service. I did not even know something like that existed. But once I started using them, I was hooked. It was clean, easy and no more expensive than the mountains of paper diapers I might have thrown in my trash over his baby years. When my third child was a baby we lived in the Dominican Republic. A box of 5 paper diapers cost about the same as a box of 100 stateside and the local women actually showed me that cleaning diapers was really not as hard as I had come to believe in my modern western civilized life. When I returned home, I returned to my diaper service – -but no longer out of fear that cleaning diapers was as bad as I imagined. It was a choice, and it was available.

What things might you be unaware of that could change your actions to be more aligned with your beliefs? Western women spend 85% of the purchasing dollars. What message are you sending with the dollars you spend?

Professional Obligations Don’t Have to Damper Summer Fun

Hello again! The tones of summer are alive in my life. Graduations. Picnics. The great outdoors. And invites to poolside parties.

Does summer change your schedule? Your mood? Your focus?

Summer can be a time of fun and frolic with family and friends. It can also just put more pressure on your professional obligations as you try to juggle kids out of school, family vacations, and other activities.

A quick way to help you enjoy the splashing spontaneity of summer while not feeling stressed is to make sure YOU decide what things you really want to participate in and what things are less important to you.

Take a few minutes and remember what types of activities really make you happy. Choose to say “yes” to those and “no” to others. Get ahead of the game and create the types of activities you love, rather than be bounced around by what comes your way.

The other thing you might consider is to commit some of your summer to investing in yourself. Use those long daylight hours to spend time studying something that will move your life forward in the direction you desire.

PART OF INFLUENTIAL WOMEN, INC.

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