Category Archives: Female Leadership

Want to change the game? Change the model.

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” ~Buckminster Fuller

I love this quote because it reminds me to avoid the way I used to approach injustices—as if I could convince, demand or cajole the “truth” of my perspective. Whether with my children, my partners, or at my work–the raw fact is other people have different “truths.” On top of that, it seems the more I fought, the less I got. Maybe you’ve had some of these experiences, too?

Asking the kids to do the dishes…again
Fighting with a spouse about them always assuming you’re available to watch the children when they make plans
Feeling passed over for a promotion that you felt was yours

Sometimes, these situations feel futile and draining. You might ask how can you build a new model for things like doing dishes? It is possible, but you have to step back from the problem and look at it from a wider view. Here is an example:

One year, I took the kids to a paint-your-own-ceramic outing. Each of us painted our own plate, bowl and cup. We had a blast. The kids were enthralled at the idea of having their own personally painted dishes. When the day came to bring the beautiful glazed dinnerware home, we moved our regular dishes to an inconvenient location and put our masterpieces in their place.

After meals when it finally came time to do dishes, they were now forced to see that their dish was dirty and understand theirs had to be cleaned before they could eat again. I no longer had to beg, plead, or threaten for anyone to do their dishes! I no longer had to referee arguments over who’s turn it was or who’s mess it was. I changed the model and the problems I was seeing under the old model evaporated.

The same is true for opportunities women have (or don’t have) in business, politics or any other field. Statistics are shockingly low for women in positions of power and even lower for funding women entrepreneurs verses their male counterparts.

Should we fight this injustice?

I suggest we take Buckminster Fuller’s advice and change the model. As important as it will be to change unconscious and conscious cultural biases, it is equally or more important for women with resources to start helping other women. This could be resources of time, money or position.

When Ella Fitzgerald could not get into a big Hollywood club early in her career, Marilyn Monroe told the club she would attend every show and bring the press. The club agreed, and Ella Fitzgerald became one of the best knows female singers in the world. Marilyn used her position in the entertainment world and her time to help another woman.

According to Business Insider, women over 50 control $15 trillion in capital. When these women start to become angel investors supporting women entrepreneurs, it will completely change the game of early stage investment.

You may not have vast amounts of money or even time. But that does not mean you cannot make a difference and help change the existing model of business, politics, education or any other field you are passionate about. Think about it like this:

85% of purchases in the U.S. are made by women
Women make 80% of healthcare decisions
40% of all American private businesses are owned by women

Yet, 91% of women say they do not think advertisers understand them. 50% of products marketed to men are typically bought by women.

You vote at the polls, with your credit cards and cash, and even where you send your children to school. Start to investigate the possibilities of where you can put your money, voice and time behind a woman. Because if 50% of the population started to move our support to other women–rather than waiting for men to, the existing model will become obsolete.

With the Right Mentality, Your Obstacles Will Give Way

Recently, I have been plagued with a number of set backs in a project of mine. The setbacks were tied to government agencies, so the solutions were slow and laborious. It has been hard to not focus on the problems. These are the moments when affirmations and pretending things are OK fail most of us, and they were failing me. All I could see was the obstacle.

So I used an exercise to help me focus on the outcome I want (and not feel like I am just lying to myself).

First, I wrote down everything that was going wrong. I included my judgment about the people involved, the unjustness of the situation, and how it makes me feel. Then, I noticed some repetitive patterns in my outlook similar to other situations, so I kept writing — things like how it seems I often make great efforts and then something “always” happens to get me off track — or how things are so hard. I wrote until I had completely exhausted all the ways this situation and similar ones frustrate me.

You know you’re on to something important when what you write makes you think, “Yep, that is exactly how it is.”

It could be how you have been trying to improve your relationship for some time, but your partner is unwilling to put the effort into changing. Or maybe it is that you do a great job at work and your boss dismisses your efforts and praises other people who didn’t work near as hard as you.

After I felt complete with this part, I began writing what it would look and feel like if I was experiencing the exact opposite of this situation.

Because what I wrote was the polar opposite of what I had been experiencing it was really powerful. I could actually FEEL what it would feel like to have it be like I wanted. The difference is that it wasn’t a band-aid affirmation — it was the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I had written –line by line.

Because I was already emotionally involved in my view of what was wrong, it was equally easy to pin point the exact things that would feel right. I think that is the key to exercises like this. You need to use them in the moment, not just as a theoretical exercise.

Now, I am ready each morning and rewriting each night (focusing on the things I wrote about what I do want to experience). And it’s working!

I will leave you with a quote from Napoleon, who was known for being single-minded in his thinking.

I see only the objective; the obstacles must give way!

You might want to try this exercise, too, join me in overcoming negative thought patterns! And, please let me know how it goes.

Moving your dream forward starts the moment you wake up

I love the hibernation energy of winter—hot teas, glowing fires, the urge to curl up with a good book and inspiration to move your dreams into action.

Slowing down is part of our natural biological clock at this time of year, and Mother Nature often forces the decision—even if we do not heed the call. Even though cold weather may be blustering outside in the Northern Hemisphere, it does not have to slow your movement towards your dreams. At the same time, pursuing your dreams does not require you to be overactive and miss out on the sweetness of renewing yourself.

One thing that probably keeps you from moving forward on your dream is the mountain of tasks you wake to each day—just to keep your existing life in motion. When I start my day trying to whittle down my to-do list, I rarely get to my main goals, and when I do, my creative juices are slow as molasses.

I have a trick that can keep your sights on the prize—while you enjoy steaming soups and fireside chats. (Even those of you basking in warmth down south can enjoy this trick to prosperity.) My trick?

I always start my day doing something towards my big goal.

Whether you invest 30 minutes or work until noon on your dreams before you start on the to-do’s, you will be amazed at the massive progress you will make.

What if you don’t do this? Well, I will be writing to you next year at this time, and you will be in about the same place as today; your dreams still unrealized.

Go ahead, give it a try. A year of 30 minutes is a whole lot of movement forward. You won’t miss the 30 minutes if you do it; but you will deeply miss your dreams if you don’t.

Are you in your own way?

Do you wish things in your life were better? Different? Are you are getting in your own way?

I think everyone has things they want to see improve–whether in their career, relationships or health. Yet, I have noticed that these changes are slow and laborious, if they happen at all.

Does it feel that way to you? You go on a diet and the weight comes off slowly, but it comes right back. You go to counseling with your partner and things change for a while but then you find yourselves back in old patterns. Maybe you got a promotion at work a few years back but now feel stalled in this position.

I have learned a few things lately that can change this trajectory–or lack of one–for you and me. These tips can move you from slow and steady progress, with numerous setbacks, to quantum leaps towards the life you desire!

Did you know that our minds operate the same way a rocket gets to the moon or a plane on auto pilot gets back on course? It is through thousands of small adjustments that the rocket ship arrives at the moon, exactly on course–slightly off course the whole trip (always correcting.

Your mind works exactly the same way, only sometimes the course you keep resetting to is exactly the one you are trying to move off of.

Have you ever noticed someone who is finally making big improvements in their lives and then they sabotage themselves? You probably wonder why they would do that and comment what a shame it is that they did. It is because the good they were creating was not aligned to their internal belief about who they are or what they deserve, so their subconscious mind does what it takes to get them “back on course.”

It is called cybernetics, and Maxwell Maltz wrote a great book about it in the 1960s called “Psycho-Cybernetics” that describes this human tendency in detail. It is a thought provoking book, and if you haven’t read it you should.

The bigger question in your mind is probably how do you change your subconscious mind’s set point, so you can lose the weight, advance in your career or permanently improve your relationship.

It is really quite simple. There are three steps:

Move your attention from what you do not want to what you do.
Start to see yourself as having what you do want.
Expect the good you want; not the bad you do not.
Look for what is already good and be grateful for it.

We are going to look at these individually over the next few weeks. I will bring you tips and exercises to help you do each one because by changing your internal cybernetic mechanism you will be able to shift your life dramatically in the direction of your desires.

Are you ready to take a quantum leap?

I want to leave you with a quote from another fantastic book called You Squared (it actually is You with the 2 up high in the mathematical position of square which I simply cannot replicate in WordPress.)

The quantum leap is something you’ve been keeping from happening. It’s not something you have to struggle to make happen. You don’t really force it into existence…you just let it occur. The key is not to get in the way!

Here’s to getting out of our own way! I would love to here how it goes for you here or on my facebook page.

Lead with your heart and success will follow

Jane Chen, of Embrace Innovations, has created a wrap for premature babies to keep their body temperature stable–a big risk for these babies. Her baby warmers are significantly less expensive than incubators and one model has an insert that can be warmed with hot water, eliminating the need for electricity. Jane is making both an impact on thousands of lives and a profitable company. Now that is thinking with her heart and outside the box!

Most people think of helping poor impoverished adolescent girls as charity. However, the Girl Effect Accelerator (GEA) thought differently. Sponsored by Nike, GEA has sponsored 13 entrepreneurs who had product ideas targeted exactly at this market of low income young women, especially in poorer areas.

Ayzh, another GEA company, has a low cost clean birth kit to decrease infections during and after child birth. According to BBC News, Zubaida Bai, the company’s founder, says that companies such as her own, with the support offered by GEA, are helping to challenge the mistaken belief that only charities can assist people living in poverty. I love this idea that we can create profitable companies that do good!

These women had ideas and got the boost they needed by getting information and mentoring from the GEA initiative. (GEA does not fund the selected companies–which may be what Nike needs to think about next, since access to capital is often the missing link in women with great ideas getting them to the level needed to make an impact.)

If you had the needed capital, mentoring support and a team with the right skills, what idea would you pursue to make the world a better place? Wait a minute, let go of that thought that you can’t because you have bills to pay, kids to raise, or some problem to fix, first.

Just imagine you have everything you need. Now ask yourself again, if you had the tools and support to make it happen what idea would you pursue that could improve the world?

Take 5 minutes every day to journal and imagine what this would feel like to pursue. Add in the details of what you would do, who you would be helping, and what it would look like. If you do this regularly with enough imagination you might find yourself one day living your dream!

Women in Politics

The 2014 midterm elections marked a series of exciting firsts for women in politics.

Did you know…

the first black Republican woman was elected to Congress.
the first 30-year-old woman was elected in Congress.
Congress amassed 104 female members for the first time ever.

Yet, there is still so much more ground to gain. Why? If we want to be fully represented by our government, we need women to be involved in politics–running for office, helping in campaigns and voting for women.

95 years after we have won the ability to vote, we are still far away from equal representation.

Here are some other interesting statistics from MAKERS:

Today, the Senate includes only 20 women.
Women make up nearly 60 percent of college students, and law schools are half-female–but Congress doesn’t reflect those numbers.
The number of women chairing committees has actually been reduced from 9 to 2, leaving less women in powerful positions.
63 other nations have had past or present female heads of government.
95% of American voters would vote for a well-qualified woman (up 20% from 1978, according to a Gallup poll.)

To feel fully empowered in our society, we will have to be creating the rules that govern us and have our views be part of the very fabric of each important discussion. Look hard each election at how you can help our daughters live in a world where women in leadership is a given, not a goal.

PART OF INFLUENTIAL WOMEN, INC.

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