Category Archives: mindset

With the Right Mentality, Your Obstacles Will Give Way

Recently, I have been plagued with a number of set backs in a project of mine. The setbacks were tied to government agencies, so the solutions were slow and laborious. It has been hard to not focus on the problems. These are the moments when affirmations and pretending things are OK fail most of us, and they were failing me. All I could see was the obstacle.

So I used an exercise to help me focus on the outcome I want (and not feel like I am just lying to myself).

First, I wrote down everything that was going wrong. I included my judgment about the people involved, the unjustness of the situation, and how it makes me feel. Then, I noticed some repetitive patterns in my outlook similar to other situations, so I kept writing — things like how it seems I often make great efforts and then something “always” happens to get me off track — or how things are so hard. I wrote until I had completely exhausted all the ways this situation and similar ones frustrate me.

You know you’re on to something important when what you write makes you think, “Yep, that is exactly how it is.”

It could be how you have been trying to improve your relationship for some time, but your partner is unwilling to put the effort into changing. Or maybe it is that you do a great job at work and your boss dismisses your efforts and praises other people who didn’t work near as hard as you.

After I felt complete with this part, I began writing what it would look and feel like if I was experiencing the exact opposite of this situation.

Because what I wrote was the polar opposite of what I had been experiencing it was really powerful. I could actually FEEL what it would feel like to have it be like I wanted. The difference is that it wasn’t a band-aid affirmation — it was the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I had written –line by line.

Because I was already emotionally involved in my view of what was wrong, it was equally easy to pin point the exact things that would feel right. I think that is the key to exercises like this. You need to use them in the moment, not just as a theoretical exercise.

Now, I am ready each morning and rewriting each night (focusing on the things I wrote about what I do want to experience). And it’s working!

I will leave you with a quote from Napoleon, who was known for being single-minded in his thinking.

I see only the objective; the obstacles must give way!

You might want to try this exercise, too, join me in overcoming negative thought patterns! And, please let me know how it goes.

Are You Planning for the Worst?

I have spent years avoiding what I do not want. Avoiding the bad. Do you know that feeling?

I scan my environment continually. I notice other people’s moods, find ways to improve them, review business results, quickly change any headed the wrong way, assess my calendar and adjust to ensure there are no conflicts with important people and events. I am good at anticipating other people’s needs or problems before they articulate them, short circuiting problems before they arise with my family, employees, and friends.

In some ways, it looks like I am extremely effective because of this knack at having a keen radar for my world and its direction. If you have this tendency to be exo-centric (a new word I made up in contrast to eco-centric) then you understand what I mean. Don’t get me wrong, my basic ability to be empathetic and inspire people around me is great (as is my ability to turn around businesses and keep a packed calendar that still works). This gets me a lot of kuddos in the world.

But it is exhausting AND keeps me focused on what can go wrong! The underlying motivating force has my world on tilt and not near as fun as it could be.

What I am noticing is the energy behind this “strength” of mine is a fear that something is about to go wrong and that I need to ensure it doesn’t.

Ouch! That is not the mental attitude I want to live my life from. And with all the positive reinforcement I get from family, friends and co-workers for keeping life smooth for them and me, no wonder it took me so long to notice this.

I think I have spent most of my life avoiding “catastrophe.” I don’t think it would be useful to just affirm I am not going to do it anymore starting today, but I do want to change it.

So my plan is to actively notice what is going well. It may not immediately stop these other thoughts, but over time with practice I will be training my mind to build on the good instead of avoid the bad.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this? Are you an avoid-er of problems? What will you do to move your radar detection mechanism away from this tendency?

Are you focused?

What would it take to actually achieve those goals you set at the beginning of the year?

Are you focused; or are you plagued with guilt over still carrying those extra pounds or not maintaining the original vigor you had to accomplish a specific career or relationship goal?

In a previous blog, I talked about how our subconscious mind has a set point, that brings us back to a pre-programmed belief about ourselves (whether it is in our weight, work or our relationships).

For most of us, those unconscious beliefs keep us stuck where we don’t want to be instead of heading where we’ve stated we want to go.

But there are ways to use this same mechanism to get what we do want, too.

The four steps for moving from a negative set point to a positive one are:

Move your attention from what you do not want to what you do.
Start to see yourself as having what you do want.
Expect the good you want; not the bad you do not.
Look for what is already good and be grateful for it.

I remember a friend telling a story about his first motorcycle ride in the Colorado mountains. Although an experienced rider, he said he was overly nervous and driving slower than the friend he was riding with. Finally, his friend pulled off the road at a overlook to talk. When they had both pulled over his friend looked him in the eye and said, “You will go off the edge if you keep looking at it. You have to look at where you want to go. It is the only way to drive these mountains safely.”

It is the same lesson in life as on that mountain road — if you keep looking where you don’t want to go, that is where you will end up. I notice it in every aspect of my life.

I remember hearing about this same concept in parenting classes years ago. My kids would promise to help with dishes or do some chore. I would notice that they didn’t do it. We would fight. They would do it reluctantly and then the cycle would start all over again. But when I would follow the recommendations to notice and thank them when they did do what I wanted, rather than focus on when they did not, I truly got more and more of what I wanted.

So whatever the goal — no matter how guilty you feel that you haven’t yet achieved it — start training your mind to look at the goal, not your current lack of it.

It really is simply a habit, the way we look at things. Like any habit, they become habits through repetition. So to change it we need to repeatedly change our view. I have been doing this for a year and by repeatedly moving my attention to my goal, and off my current results, I have noticed I am changing my set point. My rebound to old patterns is happening less and less.

It took years to set these old patterns of noticing what is wrong, so be persistent at reinforcing the new place you want to be.

I like to write my goal each morning as if it has already occurred. You might prefer recording yours, so you can listen to yourself saying it while driving. Either way, find ways to remind yourself to visualize your goal. And then when you notice you are thinking about your current result, remember the mountain road and readjust where you are looking!

Pick one or two things you have been trying to change and make a conscious effort to feed your mind the positive pictures and feelings of having already achieved it.

What is beneath your snow storm?

Do you feel covered over in a blanket of to-do’s, as if you’ve been buried in a snow storm? Maybe something big has happened that was unexpected and unpleasant; leaving you feeling tumbled by an avalanche.

Somewhere in that tall drift of heavy snow is a hidden gem; something totally beautiful.

As you remove the snow (read obstacles) from your path, take your attention off the weight of the snow in your shovel and the pain in your shoulders and view your surroundings.

Take a few deep breaths and think of something you are grateful for. Then with your attention off the obstacles in your life, look around from a wider perspective.

You will soon notice the little blessings and momentary beauty like this statue of Quan Yin in my friend’s yard one recent morning. Quan Yin’s serene morning reflection in her cloak of snow is no doubt gone today. However, she offered her blessing at the moment of this picture.

Widen your vista and your own blessings will appear. They are there to lighten your load and give you momentum that no amount of force or attention to your problems can bring.

Lessons from the Always #LikeAGirl Campaign

Sometime back, I tweeted and posted on Facebook about the Always video #LikeAGirl. It became an online sensation for a while and if you missed it, watch it here for a quick lesson on empowering our daughters and each other.

Raising three daughters, I am always thrilled when messages come out that collaborate lessons I am trying to teach them, since, so often, what they see does not.

This ad reminded me of a group of women who came to my zipline canopy tour business called, Ride Like A Girl. It was a mountain biking club and they were all women, with bumper stickers on their cars and wearing t-shirts sporting the slogan, “I ride like a girl.”

My girls were young (7,10 and 12) when these fun and wild women came through our doors. I remember one of my girls looking at me and asking, “What does that mean–ride like a girl?” I said it means they are really strong.

When I worked in corporate America I spent a great deal of energy making sure no one noticed I was “a girl.”

Don’t show your feelings. Don’t be too soft on people when they have problems. Be logical, decisive and forceful. Do not let them know you used your intuition for any decision, even if you do–find facts to prove it after you already know. And most important, laugh at the jokes about women and don’t act offended.

I learned early on that to get ahead I could not be #likeagirl. I am glad every time someone tells my son and my daughters that being like a girl is a good thing. Because if you have to hide a very basic fact of your being to be powerful; you learn to doubt every other part of yourself, too.

Are there any parts of being a woman (or a girl) that you have hidden away to be accepted or powerful? Maybe it is time to reclaim all of you. Because when you bring all of you to your life again, you also have all that energy you’ve been using to keep these parts of you hidden. It takes a lot of energy to not be you.

What do you do #likeagirl?

A Shifting Wind in the Portrayal of Women in the Media

For years, you and I have been fighting the forces of media that label women as sex objects to sell beer and cars or represent strong women as androgynous or overbearing. I sense a shifting wind towards the portrayal of women in the media.

Today, media–in advertising, movies, and music–is starting to portray women as both sexy and strong; quiet and bold.

It is refreshing to find images that support our young women growing into their adulthood with at least some images that propel them to be who they choose instead of who they feel compelled to be in order to be liked.

It may not be a perfect set of messages our girls are exposed to, but it is changing. When big names like Dove, Pantene, and Gillette make women’s empowerment their theme, you know the winds of change have taken force.

I have shared with you Pantene’s ad Sorry and Dove’s wonderful videos about media distortion of what women look like.

Here’s another ad from Gillete.

I like it. Whatever you think of their company, I am glad to see major female consumer products putting their large ad dollars into messages that empower our girls.

How about you, are you feeling the shifting winds?

How do you describe yourself?

My 26 year-old-son forwarded this Dove YouTube video to my daughters and me.

It was overwhelming–both in the message and the messenger. I remember crying deeply after receiving his email with the link.

I wonder how many women could describe themselves accurately, including the beauty they possess in their description. Is it one in a hundred that see themselves as beautiful? One in a thousand? Or is it even less? I know interviews with famous beautiful women often convey a deep seated doubt in their looks and their beauty, even though they are receiving great attention because of it.

How do you describe yourself? Are you quick to point out your own flaws? Can you even see your own light?

Yesterday, I was traveling and went into a convenience store for a bag of nuts to hold me over through the long day. As we were talking, the young man behind the counter looked at me and said, “You are a very beautiful woman!” I was speechless and struck. Finally, I caught my breath and thanked him for the complement with a big smile.

I am so grateful for this stranger who reminded me I am not flawed, as the media would like me to believe so I will buy their product. I am not many of the things my inner critic makes me feel. I am beautiful. And so are you. And the funny thing is, the more beautiful we feel the more beautiful we become.

Look yourself in the eye tonight when you are at the mirror and tell yourself, “You are beautiful!” And tomorrow, find another woman to remind of this same thing. We hear far too many messages we are not enough.

Let’s help each other remember we are perfect, just the way we are!

Superwoman not to the Rescue

Does your success come at too high a price?

Or have you forsaken achieving success because you were unwilling to pay the price?

Bonnie Marcus wrote a great blog about this awhile back, that I still relate to a little more than I would like to admit. She talks about breaking through any obstacles with strong intention, passion and energy to power through. Does that sound a bit familiar?

Each of us has our own way of countering burnout that comes from this over-achiever mindset; whether it is meditation, yoga, running, journalling, or a night out with friends. But in some ways these positive habits just keep us stuck in this pendulum pattern similar to enabling an addict.

Maybe the trick is not in pacifying our tired, stressed out soul with a quick fix; nor is it giving up achieving altogether.

Perhaps we need to stop pushing through and start listening to our inner voice that tells us something is not right. What if the struggle is more about not following the question that would help us achieve our goal with ease?

Somewhere, you and I were taught that to get anywhere, we had to work hard ( in fact harder than everyone else if you want to be on top). But have you ever noticed how many truly successful people are actually enjoying what they are doing, and work does not appear to be a struggle?

It is time to start asking if the struggle is because what we are doing is not what we really want to do, or is it a struggle over what we think we should be doing. Maybe you spent a lot of time in this industry and think it is where your strength is even though it does not inspire you? Or do you feel tied to what you do because of all the bills, debt or maybe your children’s college expense?

Bob Proctor recently gave me two incredibly simple, yet life changing, questions that I will now give you.

1. How does this make you feel?

2. Do you want to feel more of this?

If it makes you feel good and you want to feel more of it, then you are on the right track and there won’t be a need to be superwoman because you will be enjoying what you do. If it does not, then listen to that voice and take action. No more ploughing through because you are tough enough to do so. You will be amazed at the energy burst you get when you start to listen to this voice. I know I was.

And did you know there is a bonus gift to doing so? Prosperity will find you much easier when you are pursuing your dreams. It will also find you happier than when you are struggling, pushing through, and being superwoman.

So relax and start to enjoy the journey. Ask yourself these two simple questions regularly, about little and big things. And see what magic starts to happen.

Interviews with Influential Women – Sandy Gallagher

The new year brings a wealth of opportunities, but without the proper perspective, you’ll continue to overlook the chances at achieving the new life you inherently desire. Co-Founder and CEO of the Proctor Gallagher Institute, Sandy Gallagher substantiates this point by reiterating that our lives are only limited by our imagination. In the second interview for my Interviews with Influential Women Series, she sat down with me to discuss her journey to finding her passion and outlines the steps on how you can get there by asking yourself just one question.

In 200 words or less, please give my readers a short background on your personal journey that brought you to today.

In 2006, I was in the midst of a very successful legal career and an equity partner in a major Seattle law firm—a career I’d worked my whole life to achieve. One day, a friend invited me to what she described as a “leadership seminar” being conducted by a man I’d never met, named Bob Proctor. It sounded interesting, so I accepted the invite, but I didn’t go into it with any particular expectations. I certainly didn’t expect the entire course of my life to change.

Yet, early on in his presentation, Bob posed a question that did exactly that: “what do you really want?” Amazing as it may sound, it wasn’t a question I’d ever been asked or had asked myself. Once I did, I found myself facing some very surprising answers.

As I sat there in Bob’s audience, taking in the ideas he was sharing, I realized that I was in the presence of a truly extraordinary human being. That day, in response to that question, I wrote down a new goal for myself: to become a part of Bob Proctor’s inner circle of advisors. Soon thereafter, I was. And today, Bob and I are full business partners and co-founders of the Proctor Gallagher Institute.

Who are your top 3 female role models, and what about each inspires you?

I’ve been fortunate to know many amazing and inspiring women throughout my life. My stepmother, Margel Gallagher, is definitely up at the top of the list. Margel inspires me because she is a woman of velvet and steel and balances both perfectly.

I’ve always looked to Sandra Day O’Connor as a great female role model and found her life story to be a source of inspiration and encouragement. She moved into an area of power and prestige that had never been extended to women before. She did what had to be done to get where she wanted to go.

I am also so inspired by my dear friend Cynthia Kersey. Cynthia has dedicated herself to educating people who otherwise have no hope of being educated. She found and followed her passion, and she is truly changing the world as a result. I admire tremendously the good work she is doing through her Unstoppable Foundation. We support it in a big way through the Proctor Gallagher Institute.

What are the 3 most important things you do (or did) that contribute to your success?

I’ve had two very different careers now, and there are definitely some common denominators that have contributed to my success in both. One thing I do (and have always done) is go into every situation consciously expecting success—whether it’s a speech or a meeting or simply the day ahead of me. Interestingly enough, our outcomes almost always conform to our advance expectations. When you expect things to go well, they tend to go well, even if you’re thrown a curve ball. And of course, the opposite is also true: if you expect a bad day, meeting, or trip, that’s probably what you’ll experience.

Another thing I try to do is respond to problems by immediately stepping back and looking for a solution or opportunity rather than reacting emotionally or allowing them to overwhelm me. Unforeseen challenges and glitches are an inevitable part of life, but they only get in the way of you achieving your goal if you allow them to. There is always, always a way forward. Things are rarely as bad as they can seem at first, and very few things are unfixable. I can’t tell you how many times a so-called “problem” wound up being the best thing that could have happened. It’s really a matter of trusting your vision and keeping your mind focused on that ultimate destination, then staying calm and recalibrating your route as needed when roadblocks show up.

Finally, years ago, I began setting aside time at the beginning and end of each day to focus on the specific things I am grateful for. The impact it has made on my life is immeasurable. Gratitude is such an enormously powerful force. It has the most amazing way of multiplying the good things, and makes it almost impossible to get stuck in the bad. In fact, if I could give someone only one piece of “life-changing” advice, it would be to start a dedicated, daily gratitude practice. The effect on your mindset and outlook is instantaneous, and it’s a gateway to so many other epiphanies and long-term transformations.

What do you consider the top issues women face today?

On a global level, there are still so many places in our world where women and girls face unimaginable obstacles to education. Every day they quite literally risk their lives to receive what we enjoy as a fundamental right. This past year, we saw some particularly horrifying examples of the lengths certain groups will go to, to prevent female education. And this is something that impacts all of us. Educated citizens—men AND women—are what will bring stability and peace to their nations, and ultimately to the world. This is why I am so committed to our work with the Unstoppable Foundation. As I said before, this organization is doing such amazing work, and I am extremely proud to be a part of it.

What are the biggest opportunities available to women today?

First of all, I absolutely believe that (in the time and place we are fortunate enough to be living) any woman’s opportunity is only limited by her imagination. But what I see that is different today (versus say 20 or even 10 years ago) is women having a much greater ability to follow their passions, share their gifts, earn a healthy income doing it—and really do it all on their own terms. Technology has made it so much easier to find and connect with people who share our interests and who need what we (as individuals) have to offer, and people are increasingly comfortable using these technologies in every aspect of their lives. And as a result, many of the old constraints are no longer relevant. You don’t need to subordinate your personality or interests to fit into a traditional corporate mold. You don’t need to uproot yourself or your family, or stay in a certain place in order to have that “dream” career. You don’t even need to leave your home. We have female bloggers who are making a living simply by putting their personal stories and perspectives out there. We have female entrepreneurs who have a product or service they believe in, build a website to market it and attract customers from all over the world. We have women like you, who have taken your skills, experience, and passion and forged something completely new out of them, and created this incredible online resource and attracted a huge community. This is real; this is the new economy! It’s just a fantastic thing, and I do think that women in particular are benefitting from it.

What are the 3 most important things women need to do or consider when charting their next chapter of life, whenever that may be for them?

Start with the question that started it for me: “what do you really want?” Get quiet, let your thoughts follow your heart’s lead and give yourself permission to step outside of your current parameters and think big and boldly. Don’t let your mind get hung up on doubts, such as “people will think I’m crazy.” You’re right. Maybe they will. But who cares? And don’t get sidetracked by practicalities—things like “where would I get the money?” Remember that your job is to take care of the “what,” do that and the universe will take care of the “how.” Take the time and space you need to get to the right answer. When you land on it, you’ll know. It feels a lot like falling in love!

Once you’ve figured out what you really want to do, create a specific goal that will manifest that vision, and make it a good one. We always say a goal should be big enough to excite and scare you at the same time. So if you get that little clench in your chest when you think of it, that little impulse to pull back, you know you’re on to something! Picture your goal as clearly and in as much detail as you can. Get yourself emotionally involved with it— see and feel yourself doing this thing. That’s what is going to bring your subconscious on board and start automatically moving you toward this new reality.

Finally, ACT. Take some action, every single day, that brings you closer to achieving that goal. And remember that not every action needs to be monumental. Some days, you’ll take big leaps. But even the smallest, most mundane step is progress, and the universe will reward it. In The Science of Getting Rich, Wallace Wattles says that thought is what moves your goal towards you, and action is what moves you towards it. So get dreaming, get goal setting, and get things moving!

Is there anything else you would like to share?

I’d like to thank you for the opportunity to share my story with your readers, Amy. I love the work you’re doing here. You’re providing such a valuable resource to women out there looking to find their path and realize their dream. You are living YOUR dream, and elevating others’ lives in the process. That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? I wish you wonderful things as you move forward on your journey!

Sandy Gallagher has traversed the business world of high finance. As an esteemed attorney in banking law, Sandy regularly handled billions of dollars in mergers and acquisitions, IPOs, and other big-ticket transactions, and was an advisor to boards and top executives of Fortune 500 firms.

Yet, an encounter with Bob Proctor set Sandy on an extraordinary new path — one that would ultimately change not only her life, but countless others. Through Bob’s teachings, Sandy finally understood the “why” behind her lifelong success. Now she has left her high profile law practice to teach others how to do what she had done joining forces with Bob . After their first collaboration, Thinking Into Results — Sandy’s brainchild, which is widely acknowledged as the most powerful corporate transformational program of its kind — she quickly became CEO and President of Bob’s organization, Proctor Gallagher Institute.

Today, Sandy shares international speaking stages with Bob and works closely with him and their team of professionals to provide coaching, training and consulting on the most profound, powerful, and transformative concepts and strategies humankind has ever known.

PART OF INFLUENTIAL WOMEN, INC.

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