My mom frequently told me actions speak louder than words.
In fact, one night a college friend and I were visiting my home town and promised to clean up the bathroom before leaving to go out for the night. Of course, in our laughter and excitement for the evening we left the bathroom cluttered with makeup, blow dryers and other assorted things we used to get ready for our event. I have long since forgotten where we were going, who we were meeting, or anything about the evening except for one thing.
When we arrived home in the wee hours of the morning we found written in lipstick on the mirror in bold letters:
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
We looked around the bathroom and saw our unkept promise in bold relief. Oops! We laughed at her tactic as we cleaned up and the lesson was imprinted on my mind from that point forward.
What you may not realize when you intend to do things but never act is the multiple negative things you are actually doing to yourself–regardless of whether you are also letting someone else down. By not following through on your intentions you:
- Learn to distrust yourself which sets you up for all sorts of other problems.
- Store residual guilt in your psyche that is a heavy weight around your ability to feel good and enjoy life.
- Create an ever increasing sense of things left undone, adding to your feeling of overwhelm.
You might intend to do more than you do because you feel you should, or want to think of yourself as a good person who would do these things. But the bottom line is that intending without doing helps no one and eventually harms you.
The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.
Oscar Wilde – 1854-1900, Playwright
The best way around this subtle trap is to consciously choose what things you will actually commit to doing and make the list a small one. Then take action on anything and everything you commit to. Even if they are small commitments you will actually be building up your ability to follow through and the confidence others have in you.
The next time you find yourself adding to your invisible list of intentions ask yourself if you are really committed to doing this thing, or just wish you would/could. If it is more of a wish then give yourself permission to say no–to others or yourself–and let it go.