“The power is in your hands. In order to change anything you must be clear about your options—steadfast and persistent.”  I love this quote from Maria Gamb, best-selling author of Healing the Corporate World.  

In her recent article in Forbes, Maria directly rebuts Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella’s comment “that women should trust karma instead of asking for pay raises.”  Although she notes he apologized for his comment, she aptly points out he may just have verbalized what many men in leadership positions silently hold true.

Maria gives statistics that completely shocked me a few years ago when I learned about them at Harvard Business School’s W-50 ceremony (celebrating 50 years since women were able to attend my alma mater). Yet, once she states the facts of our current position, Maria quickly turns the conversation to what you can do to get paid equally to your male counterparts.

This is so important it needs to be said again, and again until women truly get it.  Yes, men still, in this day and age, often believe women should not speak out and ask for a raise, or somehow might not need the training from some coveted project because in the long run they are going to leave to have babies.  But more importantly, YOU and only you control your place in these statistics of women getting paid lower than men.  You have to ask.

One of my fellow Harvard alumna, Sheryl Sandberg, has been speaking out about this in her book, Lean In.  She told us at the women’s reunion that at Google and Facebook she finds that men ask for raises and promotions in staggering quantities more than women.  In fact, her not-so-comic story is that if she posts a job with 10 qualifications women will wait until they have those 10 qualifications plus two more before applying, while men will apply with three of four of the qualifications and sell her that they can learn the rest on the job.  THEY ARE NOT AFRAID TO ASK FOR WHAT THEY WANT AND BELIEVE THEY ARE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE JOB–REGARDLESS OF THE “FACTS.”

So what is it you wish someone would acknowledge you for?  Go tell them about you, rather than wait for them to notice.  Go check out the going pay for your job description at Glassdoor,  Salary or Payscale and then ask for a raise if you are being paid less than you are worth.  (Make sure you update your job description to everything you do, not just your title, before you compare.)

Women, we are settling — you and I.  It isn’t someone elses fault any more.  It is time we see ourselves as amazing and then become willing to sing our own praise and ask for what we are worth.

Here are some great exercises to help you start to notice and feel your own value.

First, begin to journal all the things you are good at and all the things you have accomplished in your life.  You may only have a few things you can think of at first; however, if you do this everyday for a month you will start to remember all sorts of things you can be proud of.  Make these two different lists — one about your skills and one about your accomplishments.  When you remember something you accomplished, like a product launch or fund raising event, then also notice what skills you had that helped you be successful.  Add them to your skills list, even if they are already there note them again with the nuance of that project in mind.  Remember to include skills like the ability to juggle conflicting priorities (work, grocery shopping, kids soccer practice, and a business meeting), or maybe to orchestrate amazing events like last Thanksgiving dinner, or being able to run your family’s needs on a tight budget without your family feeling poor.  Really open your sites to all you do.

The second exercise is read your list daily to really change the inner dialogue from one of self-criticism to one of praise.

Lastly, after you have improved your sense of self worth, draft a new resume highlighting all the various skills you possess, projects you have successfully completed, and responsibilities you have or have had.

I bet there are a lot of things you could do with a skill set like the one you have and now see more clearly!  From this place of seeing your own value, you can now start to dream BIG about the things you might want to do next.

If you are looking for other support in becoming more confident in your ability to do great things check out my free downloadable excerpt from my upcoming book, Be A Female Millionaire, or listen to my Feminine Balance audio series — especially the one on embodying your power.