Today I mistakenly went to a yoga class way above my level of practice. After everyone was seated on their mat the instructor said something that included the level of the class and my whole body tensed.
Immediately my inner voice started screaming, “Oh no! I am in the wrong class. I can’t do this one. How did I make this mistake?”
I considered my options.
I could run for the door quickly before she started, but picking up my mat, bolster, block, and strap seemed so disruptive as everyone was on their mat and ready. Plus, what would she think? I felt I would need to explain my departure. Although, “Oh, I came for a different class,” seems easy enough, my thoughts were racing and I couldn’t commit to saying it before the instructor started.
As I was still considering exiting the room, another voice started complaining that I was traveling all week and this was my only opportunity to do a yoga class. I should stay and modify to my own capability. About the time I began warming to the idea of staying she started asking the class if they wanted to do this posture or that–all above my skill level–confirming my belief I should leave.
I opted to surrender to the fact that for some reason I was here; I wanted to do yoga, and I could monitor my body and do only what was right for me. As the class progressed I surprised myself at how much I was able to do without strain.
Coming to tears
Near the end of class we were experimenting with some difficult poses–poses most of this advanced class were learning–and I found myself frozen with fear again. I could even feel tears welling up in my eyes as I realized how much I did not want to try what was being asked. The instructor helped me get in and out of the pose correctly and I was able to learn more about my body.
But the real learning was in my mind.
How many situations do I avoid outside of yoga because I am afraid? Where do I hold myself back fearing I am not capable of “doing it right?” After class I started looking deep at my own fear of failure–something I teach my clients around the world to break-through in business every day! What I realized was that in those places I feel strong in–like business–I am willing to risk and push the envelop. However, when I am in areas where I feel insecure–I always play it safe!
Today’s yoga class showed me something my unconscious mind had not considered.
When I play it safe I am missing out on things I am actually capable of doing!
How do you know when you are holding back? Here are three tell tale signs:
- Try to remember the last time you did something you were afraid of doing. If it was awhile ago; or worse, you don’t remember the last time, then you are definitely not exploring your world and experiencing the joy you get when you accomplish something difficult and one your not sure you can achieve.
- Identify what new things you have learned in the last two years? Have you taken up a new sport, hobby, or instrument? Unless you are learning new things regularly, you are allowing your mind and your brain neurons to atrophy. But new brain science proves that our brains have the ability to renew themselves with use. Building your neuroplasticity is like going to the gym for your mind and it requires learning new things.
- Notice if you envy your friends and colleagues who seem live more spontaneously, travel to more unusual places (even if they are not expensive and exotic locations), pick up new hobbies, or put themselves in situations you would find embarrassing. As a kid I often watched other kids play sports, wishing to be part of the fun; but I held back because I didn’t know how to do whatever they were doing and did not want feel embarrassed. It was a painful place to be stuck. Notice if you have brought that type of thinking into your adult life.
The great thing about becoming aware of your tendency to hold yourself back is that it takes almost no effort to begin to change it; just a willingness to put your toes in the water. Find something new to do this week. Here are a few ideas:
- Go to a dance class. There are places in every city that have dance classes early in the evening for salsa, country western, or hip hop before the “real” dancing begins. Grab a friend and try one out.
- Go someplace alone–a movie, out to dinner, wine tasting, the museum, or anything you want to do and don’t unless with friends or a partner. This was hard for me, but I have found I actually enjoy picking what I want to do and then doing it.
- Join a meet up group and do something you enjoy but don’t normally do.
- Sign up for a community college class in something you would like to know–a foreign language, a business class, or oil painting.
The key isn’t necessarily to go way outside your comfort zone to prove you can; but to start to do something new and enjoy the positive feelings you get by growing your world. Do something this week, then pick another next week until finally you will have created a habit of living life fully.
Building this willingness to explore and grow will improve every aspect of your life. You will find yourself saying yes in business and in your personal life to experiences that make your life much more rich and fulfilling.
At the end of the day it isn’t that we are alive that matters; what matters is that we are creating a life worth living–every day.
