On Mother’s Day, I watched one of my daughter’s graduate college, and in a few weeks, my youngest will graduate high school. Within full of appreciation for their achievements and excitement for their futures, I am sometimes caught by surprise by the deep effect their transitions have on me.
As a mom, my children’s transitions actually constitute transitions for my life, too. Will they be living at home anymore? What level of support will being their mom mean in their next phase of life? how much influence do I actually have on their choices?
I remember distinctly the day my son (and oldest child) first drove away at 16 years of age with his newly acquired license. I knew I had to trust that the job I had done would guide him to make good choices, because as much as I didn’t want to admit it—once out of the driveway, he could do and go as he pleased. It also meant I would no longer be driving him everywhere — a significant convenience, yet a loss of one-on-one talk time with him that I loved.
Have you experienced some of these transitions, too?
The tricky part with these relationships we cherish is investing our hearts in them, while still maintaining our own center of gravity. We require our own dreams and inspirations so that as our children become less dependent on us we are not left with a black hole in our lives. It is even true of our spouses, friends and work. Our center of gravity must remain in us, while we nurture, love and put our all into the things we care about.
I have not always been good at this balance — often being far more invested in others than myself. However, what has changed all this for me is having a BIG goal of my own! Even if I am fully investing most of my time in my children or my work, if I have identified my BIG personal goal and invest just a little time towards it regularly it establishes my own center of gravity, my own destination, and feeds my inner light. And ironically, I have found I am a better mother, friend and worker when my inner light and center of gravity is strong!
It has also made these transitions smoother and more joyful, even if I do still cringe that the part of my parenting journey where my children are living at home is coming to a close — I have more energy invested in my future than grieving what is past.