Tag Archives: girl

Do You Raise Boys Differently than Girls?

Women become empowered (or disempowered) long before they become women. I was appalled the first time I realized, that even I, an accomplished business women and Harvard MBA, had different “rules” for my son than my daughters.

As a mother, I also learned that being a girl verses being a boy came with more DNA differences than genitals–a fact my beliefs prior to having children did not take into consideration.

So as parents, it is critical we treat each child as an individual not a gender AND that we actually become aware of our own unconscious biases before we instill them in our girls and boys.

In a recent NY Times article, Caroline Paul asks, “Why do we teach our girls it is cute to be scared?” It is a great question and similar to one that every mother, if she is honest, probably asks herself at one time or another.

“Why am I treating my girl different from my boy?”

There are so many unconscious beliefs we have about life, especially in regards to genders. Sometimes it is important to celebrate our differences and at other times it is important to not create differences that are solely the result of biases.

Many of your own biases you may not suspect even exist, until you are faced with a situation that tests them. It is in times like these that we can be humble and realize we may be making a mistake and most importantly be willing to change.

Change only comes when we are aware of what we are doing.

I appreciate articles like Caroline’s that put in my face questions like, “Do I expect my son to conquer is fears while I suggest to my daughter to avoid risk?” Only when we ask ourselves these questions against a backdrop of real life situations of our own lives or like those she describes as a firefighter in San Francisco, can we really become clear about our own biases.

Where else might you be holding your daughter back that you would not do with your son?

  • Do you accept her telling you she is not good at math or science? One of my daughters told me that for years and I continued to tell her it just wasn’t true. This year she graduates Phi Beta Kappa as a Bio-Chem major and getting A’s at advanced calculus classes.
  • Do you accept that she is klutzy and get her interested in things that don’t challenge her physically; while you might push your son to push through?
  • Do you expect (or insist) your son help with construction projects, yard work, or car maintenance while never inviting your daughter to do the same?

These are just a few of the areas we might be holding our girls back; while never intending to. Listen closely to your messages with your children; you might be surprised what you hear.

I love the distinct things my daughters bring to my life that are different from my son, and also the things he brings that are uniquely masculine. I no longer expect them to be the same as I did before having children.

Yet, I also am painfully aware of many biases I inflicted upon their beliefs and inner dialog without intending to do so. And I appreciate friends, family, articles like Caroline’s, and my children themselves for pointing out when I had an unconscious gender bias.

The only way to change something is to become aware there is a need for change!

 

Educating Girls Worldwide Matters!

This week Ann Cotton, an amazing role model for women about making a difference, received the WISE (World Innovative Summit for Education) award for her role founding Camfed, and organization that has helped millions of African girls stay in school.

Ann started Camfed in 1993 to create sponsorship to a few dozen girls so their families could afford to keep them in primary school.  Today, it is estimated that over 3 million students benefit indirectly from Camfed’s activities, which include financial support of students, teacher training, and mentoring community activists — all with the goal of giving all children access to primary education (especially girls who still rank well below boys in completing primary school in poor countries).

Some might ask why I focus on empowering girls and women and why educating girls around the globe is so important.  This past fall, I found out why this matters at Just Like My Child’s gala event, which raised money for the Girl Power project.  Here are a few reasons:

  • 51% of the world’s population are women and 64% of illiterate adults are women.
  • More than 100 million children remain out of schools and 66 million of them are girls, half in the sub-Saharan Africa.
  • When a girl educated for 7 years or more, she marries 4 years later and has 2.2 fewer children.
  • Empowering women and girls raises economic productivity and reduces infant mortality. It contributes to improved health and nutrition, and increases the chances of education for the next generation.
  • When women and girls earn income, they reinvest 90% of it into their families, compared to 30-40% for males earning income.
  • When a woman is financially independent, she can stand her ground, speak her voice, her children are stronger and healthier and the state of the world improves exponentially.
  • Education has proven to yield larger impacts than any other form of aid and assistance for men or women.  With education sexually transmitted disease, including HIV, go down, early pregnancies decrease, and income potential increases.

I leave you with these words from Nelson Mandela:

“No country can really progress unless its citizens are educated.”