Do you speak in a way that creates less power in your world? Or is the focus on how women speak actually the problem? That is the debate currently circling.

One article I recently read in Business Insider evaluated this critique gave many examples of how focusing on women’s way of speaking is causing women to be overly self-critical (as if we need help) and also continuing to assume the way men speak is the right way.

I agree. Anytime someone or group of people are highly scrutinized, they tend to feel alienated, in the wrong, and defensive. It lowers self-esteem so highly needed to excel. Women are that group too often. “People are busy policing women’s language and nobody is policing older or younger men’s language,” said Penny Eckert, a professor of linguistics at Stanford University and the coauthor “Language and Gender,” in an interview with NPR.

Don’t let yourself be subtly bullied into believing your empathetic way of speaking is somehow wrong. Instead, know that you are bringing something vital to everything you do–including how you present your thoughts. (Then, learn to listen respectfully to other women when they do the same.) How you perceive yourself is more important than whether you speak using the same words and intonations as men to your success at anything.