Choosing to work or stay at home can be a tough decision for women.  The original thoughts of feminism that we could do both and have it all, have become worn thin by the many women who tried the super mom/career woman track and ended up feeling burned out in both arenas.

Yet, most women still want to add value to the world outside of the tremendous value they are contributing by raising amazing children.  How do we find the answer?

I love how Sara Gottfried, M.D. puts it,”When we give birth, the bonding hormone oxytocin starts flowing. Maybe that makes women more discerning about the type of work we’re willing to perform, given the competition for our time when kids come into the picture.”

Rather than an either or decision of career verses motherhood, or the over-achieving attempt at both — perhaps our answer lies in this discernment Dr. Sara speaks of.  If the last 50 years were spent proving we could “make the grade” and were capable of many of the jobs previously denied women; perhaps the next movement will be in women designing the work life that feeds our soul AND gives us the flexibility to be truly present with our children and family.  Imagine the role model we’d become for our children when they see their mothers pursuing things that are adding value to our world, while at the same time we are happy and engaged in their lives.

Imagine what your life would look like if you created a job you truly loved and had time to deeply enjoy your family.  How would you create it?  What things might you do if your goal was to add value to the world and not earn a paycheck?  Play with it for a bit; you might be surprised that there is a way to do it and earn good money.

What things would you do with your family if you had more freedom? Fantasize yourself doing them.  Maybe there are ways of rethinking your schedule that will allow for more of this joy in your daily life –not by working later when the kids go to bed and waking exhausted each day!

Unless you are willing to take the time to visualize how you would genuinely enjoy your life, you will continue to create what you are creating today.  So even if my questions seem absurd in light of the bills you have to pay, the commitment you have to your job, the requirements you have to your children’s school and extra-curricular activities and even your relationship with your mate — the future will never arrive unless you start to envision your ideal situation and take little steps towards it.

So just let yourself start to daydream all the possibilities; no matter how impossible they appear.  Find a paper and pen right now and begin to write down any and all ideas.  Let your ideas flow.  Don’t ask how you could get there; simply write down anything about your life you would love to see.

Some people find it easier to see what is wrong than to visualize what they want.  If you feel blocked, first write down what frustrates you about your current life.  Then take another piece of paper and write the exact opposite of that.  How would it look, what would be different if this specific problem did not exist?  Be as creative and detailed as you can about what it would look like if it was as good as it could get.  Burn the one you don’t like and read the one you do like each day.  You will be pleasantly surprised at how ideas and opportunities begin to flow naturally into your life to help make this new dream a reality if you put your attention on it.