Tag Archives: perspective

One Trick to Help Reach Your Goals Faster!

Here is a big twist on reaching your goals that might make the difference in your success!

Usually when we want to achieve something we focus on the outcome of what we want. There are even hundreds of books, audio recordings and training programs telling you to imagine your goal achieved–I often advise you to do it too!

However, psychologists Lien Pham and Shelley Taylor did a study looking at the effect of visualizing three different aspects of your goal:

  1. Imagining the goal achieved,
  2. Imagining having the habits that would achieve the goal, or
  3. Imagining having both the good habits AND achieving the goal.

Which do you think got the best results? Well, it surprised me because I assumed number three, visualizing both would have the highest reward. But it was visualizing the habits to get there!

Visualizing the habits to get there had the best results!

This could be a huge step in your success at any goal. Instead of focusing on being successful, visualize yourself as someone who has the productivity and decision making of a successful person. Rather than imagining yourself thin, imagine yourself with the habits of someone with a healthy, slender body. The possibilities are endless!

Apparently, the reason this is so powerful is because it decreases anxiety over achieving the results and increases your likelihood to plan for success. After thinking about it I realize it makes perfect sense. It’s why I coach women to work on their chief priority first…then fill in the day! It is the same reason I advise you to carve out time each day to move forward on your goal, even if it is only 30 minutes a day.

Both of these are habits. And by developing success habits, you create success! It really is that simple.

Do you have a goal in mind that you can refocus your attention to the habits required to achieve it? Start visualizing yourself with those habits, today!

Superwoman not to the Rescue

Does your success come at too high a price?

Or have you forsaken achieving success because you were unwilling to pay the price?

Bonnie Marcus wrote a great blog about this awhile back, that I still relate to a little more than I would like to admit.  She talks about breaking through any obstacles with strong intention, passion and energy to power through.  Does that sound a bit familiar?

Each of us has our own way of countering burnout that comes from this over-achiever mindset; whether it is meditation, yoga, running, journalling, or a night out with friends.  But in some ways these positive habits just keep us stuck in this pendulum pattern similar to enabling an addict.

Maybe the trick is not in pacifying our tired, stressed out soul with a quick fix; nor is it giving up achieving altogether.  

Perhaps we need to stop pushing through and start listening to our inner voice that tells us something is not right.  What if the struggle is more about not following the question that would help us achieve our goal with ease?

Somewhere, you and I were taught that to get anywhere,  we had to work hard ( in fact harder than everyone else if you want to be on top).  But have you ever noticed how many truly successful people are actually enjoying what they are doing, and work does not appear to be a struggle?

It is time to start asking if the struggle is because what we are doing is not what we really want to do, or is it a struggle over what we think we should be doing.  Maybe you spent a lot of time in this industry and think it is where your strength is even though it does not inspire you?  Or do you feel tied to what you do because of all the bills, debt or maybe your children’s college expense?

Bob Proctor recently gave me two incredibly simple, yet life changing, questions that I will now give you.

1.  How does this make you feel?

2.  Do you want to feel more of this?

If it makes you feel good and you want to feel more of it, then you are on the right track and there won’t be a need to be superwoman because you will be enjoying what you do.  If it does not, then listen to that voice and take action.  No more ploughing through because you are tough enough to do so.  You will be amazed at the energy burst you get when you start to listen to this voice.  I know I was.

And did you know there is a bonus gift to doing so?  Prosperity will find you much easier when you are pursuing your dreams. It will also find you happier than when you are struggling, pushing through, and being superwoman.

So relax and start to enjoy the journey.  Ask yourself these two simple questions regularly, about little and big things.  And see what magic starts to happen.

Betraying Ourselves

You may think the worst thing that has ever happened to you was when your husband left for another woman, or your best friend undermined your vulnerable plans by sharing them with someone behind your back, or … fill in the blank with the time you felt emotionally sucker punched.  Just thinking about it brings back that sick feeling in your solar plexus area, doesn’t it?

In her Huffington post article, Dr. Deborah Caldwell says these betrayals pail in comparison to the ones we do to ourselves, sometimes daily.  I agree with Deborah.  I would not keep someone as a friend if they treated me the way I sometimes treat me.  I certainly would never let someone talk to me the way I sometimes find my inner talk going.

These inner dialogues sabotage our ability to attain any worthy goal. Tell that inner voice goodbye.

How can you expect to release that extra 20 pounds if you keep telling yourself you are fat? Your subconscious mind does the only thing it is programed to do.  It makes sure your outer circumstances verify your inner talk. The same is true for your bank statement.  It will not grow fuller than that which agrees with your inner image.  If you find yourself frequently saying: “I am broke,”  “I cannot afford that” or other similar stories, you will be right.

Rather than keep setting New Year’s resolutions you do not keep or goals you won’t fulfill, why not become increasingly aware of your inner self talk!  First, stop the negative chatter.  Literally when you notice you have started a rant, on you, just say “stop it.”  Then stop. Second, add some affirming voices in place of the worn out record of beating yourself up.  Find the things you do well and keep pointing them out to yourself.  Make a list.  Read it daily and add to it often.

This year, your number one goal could be to become your own best friend.  Everything else, I bet, will fall into place when you start to really like and care for you.

Exercise to Create REAL Holiday Cheer!

Hello!

Have you noticed that this time of the year brings up as many gremlins as it does elves and hosts of angels?

As we get closer to the holidays, some of us will start to rush and hurry in preparation—becoming frazzled and overwhelmed, others will get anxious about expected time with relatives kept at a distance the rest of the year, and some of us will fret over finances as we spend more than we think we should.

While we were kids, many of us learned not to set our expectations high at Christmas – so our expectations wouldn’t get dashed and our feelings hurt. We may have taken this message into our internal, unconscious beliefs we operate from as adults, all year long—not just at the holidays!

Thinking about this I began to ponder how something full of potential awe and wonder often becomes downright hard for so many of us. And I realized that the story most of us learned as we got older was that the “grown up story” was nothing like the “pretend” fairy tale we believed as children. In order to “grow up,” we were told to put away these childish whims, any magical thinking and be realistic!

Yet, so much of what I have been studying tells me that my imagination and my expectations are dictating my experience. Whoa there! You mean to tell me that maybe I had it closer to the truth when I was a kid, before I allowed the beliefs of the adults around me to help me “grow up?”

Before you dismiss what I am studying as “new age” or some other label, let me give you some quotes of people you might give greater weight to.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” ~ Albert Einstein

“Does a firm persuasion that a thing is so, make it so?… And in the ages of imagination this firm persuasion removed mountains; but many are not capable of a firm persuasion of anything.”  ~ William Blake

“To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.” ~ Thomas Edison

“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” ~ Mark Twain

“Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go no where.”  ~ Carl Sagan

“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

“I only hope that we don’t lose sight of one thing—that it was all started by a mouse.” ~ Walt Disney

“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

“You can’t do it unless you imagine it.” ~ George Lucas

“Live out of your imagination, not your history.” ~ Stephen Covey

“The world is but a canvas to our imagination.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” ~ Gloria Steinem

“The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination.” ~ Napoleon Hill

“America was built on courage, on imagination and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand.” ~ Harry S. Truman

“All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy. What right have we then to depreciate imagination.” ~ Carl Jung

“The moment a person forms a theory, his imagination sees in every object only the traits which favor that theory.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

“Imagination rules the world.” ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

OK, so I think you get the picture. The top scientists, politicians, artists and thinkers of the world ALL agree that our imagination creates our world; yet the way we were raised taught us to put away imagination when we grew up.

Maybe if we brought our imagination back, we could create a holiday—for ourselves and those around us—truly filled with joy and good cheer, not just an imitation of it. We have just over a week to let our imagination take over. So try this simple exercise.

Write down everything about the holidays you do not enjoy and are dreading—financial issues, a certain relative, whatever it is for you. Then take another piece of paper and IMAGINE with lots of detail what it would look like if it were the exact opposite of what you wrote on that other sheet. Really put in tons of detail. Pretend you are Walt Disney creating something magical; add all the pieces in to make this vision  feel real. What would it FEEL like if it was real? When you have written about your desired holiday, burn the paper with the “old reality.”

Now send a blessing to each person you will be involved with this holiday season. Bless the money you do have in your wallet and bank account and the sources that it comes through to you.

Read your imagined holiday each night before bed imagining what it would feel like if it were real, and send blessings, too. See what magic you can create…with a little childlike imagination!

I wish for you a magical and joy filled holiday season.

All my best,

Amy

Stay-At-Home-Mom vs Career Woman

Choosing to work or stay at home can be a tough decision for women.  The original thoughts of feminism that we could do both and have it all, have become worn thin by the many women who tried the super mom/career woman track and ended up feeling burned out in both arenas.

Yet, most women still want to add value to the world outside of the tremendous value they are contributing by raising amazing children.  How do we find the answer?

I love how Sara Gottfried, M.D. puts it,”When we give birth, the bonding hormone oxytocin starts flowing. Maybe that makes women more discerning about the type of work we’re willing to perform, given the competition for our time when kids come into the picture.”

Rather than an either or decision of career verses motherhood, or the over-achieving attempt at both — perhaps our answer lies in this discernment Dr. Sara speaks of.  If the last 50 years were spent proving we could “make the grade” and were capable of many of the jobs previously denied women; perhaps the next movement will be in women designing the work life that feeds our soul AND gives us the flexibility to be truly present with our children and family.  Imagine the role model we’d become for our children when they see their mothers pursuing things that are adding value to our world, while at the same time we are happy and engaged in their lives.

Imagine what your life would look like if you created a job you truly loved and had time to deeply enjoy your family.  How would you create it?  What things might you do if your goal was to add value to the world and not earn a paycheck?  Play with it for a bit; you might be surprised that there is a way to do it and earn good money.

What things would you do with your family if you had more freedom? Fantasize yourself doing them.  Maybe there are ways of rethinking your schedule that will allow for more of this joy in your daily life –not by working later when the kids go to bed and waking exhausted each day!

Unless you are willing to take the time to visualize how you would genuinely enjoy your life, you will continue to create what you are creating today.  So even if my questions seem absurd in light of the bills you have to pay, the commitment you have to your job, the requirements you have to your children’s school and extra-curricular activities and even your relationship with your mate — the future will never arrive unless you start to envision your ideal situation and take little steps towards it.

So just let yourself start to daydream all the possibilities; no matter how impossible they appear.  Find a paper and pen right now and begin to write down any and all ideas.  Let your ideas flow.  Don’t ask how you could get there; simply write down anything about your life you would love to see.

Some people find it easier to see what is wrong than to visualize what they want.  If you feel blocked, first write down what frustrates you about your current life.  Then take another piece of paper and write the exact opposite of that.  How would it look, what would be different if this specific problem did not exist?  Be as creative and detailed as you can about what it would look like if it was as good as it could get.  Burn the one you don’t like and read the one you do like each day.  You will be pleasantly surprised at how ideas and opportunities begin to flow naturally into your life to help make this new dream a reality if you put your attention on it.

 

Why do women have great friends and horrible networks?

I have been coaching women entrepreneurs for awhile and am dismayed by our gender’s general lack of networking when we are so good at creating social circles and deep friendships. Too many business women work hard to get ahead and fail to create the professional networking so vital to advancement.

Women are known as the sex that is better at relationships, communicate more and more effectively, and have stronger compassion genes. Yet, study after study show that women regularly fail at networking when it comes to their careers.

A recent article by one of my favorite Forbes contributors, Geri Stengel points to many of the pitfalls my clients have fallen into when they come see me about jumpstarting their stalled career or helping their start-up take flight.  Geri offers 6 tips for improving networking skills including “get over your inhibitions.”

However, I find most women are not shy, so this does not necessarily point to the real issue but is more of a symptom.  What I have learned coaching women is they are hard wired to supporting other people’s requests (their boss, co-worker, or family) but find it extremely difficult to ask others to help them, to ask for what they need. Period.  No amount of “getting over your inhibitions,” cracking the confidence code, or leaning in will unwire this because it is not about assertiveness.  Women can be plenty assertive at pitching their deal, rally for a cause, or going to bat for an employee.  Where they fail to speak up is asking for themselves.

To ask for something for yourself requires a few key things.  It is about knowing what you want, seeing how others could help you, and reversing genetic conditioning that stops you from recruiting others’ help. Let’s look at the first one, knowing what you want– since without that step the others are meaningless.

Many years ago I had a counselor send me home with the assignment of writing down everything I would ask for if I had the guts, and not ask.  She just wanted me to start to know what it was I would ask for if I felt I could.  Whoa!  Once I got going I realized there were a lot of things I was not asking for.  It was a great exercise and because she did not send me off to start asking for what I wanted, I was able to see more clearly all the areas that I was holding back.  If she had recommended I go start asking for what I want, I am sure I would not have been able to think of anything to ask for.

You, too can start this with just a pad a paper.  You don’t have to ask your boss for a raise or an investor for money.  At least not yet.  Start with a clean sheet and just think. If I could not loose–what is it I would ask for.  Start to really make long lists. List all the people you would ask.  It will help grow your muscle of seeing yourself as capable of asking.  You might surprise yourself and start asking sooner than you think.

My new Vision Board

One picture.

One focus.

One message.

Sometimes we get lost trying to find all the nuances of something when the simplest idea conveys the most meaning.  I have a vision board with lots of great things on it.  However, I am replacing it today with this picture.  For it represents to me…

Grace, Strength, Beauty, Purpose, and Courage!  ALL with a capital G,S,B,P, and C!  These are qualities I aspire to embody.

The other things on my vision board are still important.  Yet, they are the result of me living with these qualities at my inner core and then living them in my daily life.  The qualities I feel when I look at this picture are the cause!  And so I am moving my attention to the cause and allowing the results to happen as a result of my attention to what I truly desire.

What qualities do you aspire to embody?  When you find an image that can help you remember them, all in one moment ~ hang on to it, look at it daily, imagine it in everything you do!

Quiet Revolution

Change the game, not who you are!

Sometimes the best strategy is not to fight for a change to the problem or to expect those in control to change their mind.  

When Gandhi wanted the British out of India he did not try to go to war with the strongest empire in the world at the time.

How many slaves were freed through the Underground Railroad well before law freed the rest?

How many small acts of faith did Mandela use to overrule apartheid?  

So maybe the answer to women only getting 7% of Venture Capital money or less of Investment Banking money is to change the game—rather than fight the status quo.   Maybe the answer to so few women Heads of State, CEO’s, Board of Directors, and other positions of influence is NOT to change who we are and be more like men!  If in the last 50 years this is all the progress we have made despite the numbers of women MBA’s, the number of women entrepreneurs, or the number of women Investment Bankers, and the number of women graduating college—than becoming more assertive or confident is not the solution.  Looking at the world through new lenses is.

Rather than try harder, work longer, and change more to be like men—lets look at the inherent strengths of being feminine and use these things to make a difference.

What are these feminine strengths?

  • The art of collaboration
  • Community building
  • Large results with many hands contributing small efforts
  • Rallying large numbers of supporters
  • Finding solutions
  • Mentoring and encouraging

The Internet and social media have given rise to many new ways of business—changing forever traditional marketing, sales, order fulfillment and raising capital.  These changes provide a remarkable platform for women to make a difference in the funding of new ideas, new businesses, new non-profit organizations, and to market directly to each other.  Women comprise over 80% of the purchasing power in the United States even though we represent less than 15% of the heads of corporations making the products and services we buy.

The time is ripe for change.  Women are more educated, have more resources, and have more time than ever before in human existence.  We can be the change we are seeking in the world by starting a new paradigm.

Think big.  Think bold.  Think of what you would like your community, your country, and your world to be like.  Let’s cease putting another moment of energy into what is wrong and what we do not like.  Let’s create the world we desire.  Let’s create a balance of power shift so subtle, so substantial, so sweet that once it is obvious what happened even those who would fight us today will be happy we did!

Join the conversation.  What does your utopia look like?  What small change can you initiate?  What would you do if you felt you could, if you felt no glass ceiling, if you had all doors open wide?  

Not Holding Onto Hope Doesn’t Make You Hopeless

This changed my life…

I do not need to hold onto the hope of who I need him to be. This frees me to be OK with who he is, forgive him, and BEGIN TO TAKE CARE OF ME!

This simple act of letting go of the hope for who I wanted him to be frees me from needing to convince, plead, cajole, and banter about it. It frees me to focus on the one thing I can do something about…

I can take care of me!

Although I immediately took this into my relationship with my children’s father, I can use it about my mother, my children, a boss, a friend…anyone I am feeling less than in harmony with!