Tag Archives: woman

Your New Life Awaits — Part 2

After talking to countless women and noticing my own journey I have categorized our paths into three general themes—career woman/power path, mother/nurturing path, and beauty queen/sensuality path. Let me describe them briefly and in gross generalization to paint a picture.

The career woman on a path of power has developed her masculine side and knows how to compete in the world. She has chosen her field, become good at it, and directs her energy to her accomplishments—past, present, and future. She often prefers the company of men, has little in common with women who fondle over the newest baby, and if she spends time exercising it is to stay on top of her game or to socialize with others in her field at the gym.

The mothering woman on a nurturing path has chosen to take care of others whether in her own home or in her career. Often a mother, she may not be. She can also be a caretaker of her elderly or disabled family member, a nanny or housekeeper for other people’s families, or a nurse or psychologist. In some way her primary activity is in helping others. She is often uncomfortable around powerful people because she has spent so little energy feeling good about her looks or her own personal status in the world and this becomes obvious in their company.

The beauty queen woman on a path of sensuality learned early on that her looks gave her power and so she has invested much of her time keeping her body in shape and her clothes put together. Whether she is buying expensive clothing or shopping at thrift stores she knows the image she is looking for. She rarely goes out without feeling put together. Not always, but usually she has a stronger connection to her body and sensual life than the other two. She may be a mother or a career woman, but her priority to herself and her looks did not take second fiddle to her family or her career.

Each of these paths has both their gifts and their demons. If we are fluid in each  then we can tap into their gifts as needed. If we are stuck in a role, then the gifts of the other two are often out of reach. Perhaps the demons of the role we are stuck in are more apparent than the gifts to which we once aspired.

Some of us have been on more than one of these paths at different times of our lives. Many of us have shunned at least one of these paths as foreign territory. Some of us are proud of our accomplishments in our path and others of us feel shame. Yet, ultimately when we put the ego aside the real test of if our path is whole is — how alive do we feel at the end of the day. Are we drained or are we fulfilled? How complete do we feel? Is our life full and rich and juicy? Can we tap into more than one aspect of being feminine? Or do we feel envious or judgmental at women strong on another path?

(If you want to learn more about how balanced you are in these areas and receive a free meditation to help you increase the richness of your life take my Feminine Balance Quiz.)

If you find you are more often exhausted than exhilarated I suggest you have become stuck in a role your path dictated rather than being yourself on this path. Roles and masks can keep us from really living. The good news is they can be unraveled easier than you may think. Our goal is to be fully alive, celebrating our strengths and growing in the areas we have left untouched lately—being able to be fully feminine in each aspect of the feminine.

Most of us do not attempt to let those other parts of us out because we are afraid of the affect it might have on our cherished existing life. We may have buried memories of past times we became more sensual, powerful, or vulnerably nurturing and something bad happened. Often when we cannot stand our role and hiding behind our mask any longer we shatter our existing life causing all sorts of wreckage in ours and other’s lives in order to break free.

I suggest neither staying stuck or major revolution is necessary. If you do the inner work to reengage with the whole of you the changes will happen organically rather than violently. And you will create a life that enlivens you and honors where you have been—all at the same time.

We will talk more about that inner work next time.

Do you dress for success?

What does that mean to you?  A recent article about this in the Houston Chronicle tickled my thoughts about how executive women dress.  In the 80’s it meant women (me) wore blue pin strip suits (skirts not pantsuits), padded shoulders in their jackets (I once was told my jacket had more padding than an NFL player), cute little bow ties replicating the material of men’s ties, and starched button down shirts.  A perfect replica of executive men, albeit put together with expensive high heels.

We moved through a number of iterations of “power dressing” to pant suits.  Today, women are beginning to show some feminine flair and still be taken seriously.  Hallelujah!  Across the globe western women are also waking up to the emotional cost of hiding parts of ourselves to be successful. We are starting to reconnect to this rather large piece of who we are (uh, yes you were, are and always will be a woman whether you are also a MD, lawyer, executive, etc.) .

So the question is, do you remain hidden behind the suit of armor of your profession or do you start to let the real you show in your professional clothing?  And more importantly, do we collectively wait until the world accepts our feminine nature and sees us as powerful leaders, movers, and doers before we bring our flair to our clothes?  Or, maybe as we individually start to wear clothes that make us feel more alive and represent more clearly who we are we will walk into the room with the clear energy of a leader, mover, and doer–simply because we are connected with the source of our power, not hiding it!  And just maybe as more and more of us do this, the world will begin to recognize feminine leadership, not women masquerading as men!

Clothing is our second skin says Liana Chaouli and because of that we have to feel comfortable in our skin in order to walk into a room with all the strength and grace we desire.  Most of us change our wardrobes unconsciously as we buy new items here and there, get presents of this and that; then one day we wake up wondering why nothing in our closet makes us feel good. Others of us have a wardrobe full of things we think we are “suppose” to wear based on the type of work we do.  None of this will give you the reinforcement of your internal power, but rather it steals it from you because you feel like a farce that someone will find out.

So take a peek tonight at your closet.  Pull out the clothes you love to wear and learn what makes you feel good.  Now find adaptations that you will feel comfortable with in a work setting.  One day at a time, one outfit at a time start showing up more and more as YOU!

For the Good of the Tribe

Our world will be healed, our lifestyles will be sustainable, our communities will thrive and our relationships will be enlivening only when the feminine is valued, nurtured and has a voice.

Although this blog speaks to women, eventually strong women leads to men and women valuing the feminine in each of us.  And this is where balance can be found.  Since the 1960’s women have developed and honored our own masculine traits.  It was a difficult and bold change from our foremothers.  We now have both power and influence in our world in many ways.

Yet, we journeyed here at a severe cost to our internal feminine compass.  It is incumbent upon women in this new era to raise our feminine while continuing to honor and develop our own masculine.  It is essential we find our voice in ways that encourage the masculine in our men, rather than demean them.  Balancing our own masculine and feminine natures – and requiring the men we choose relationships with to do the same – will create new co-empowered relationships in our homes, communities, work places and government.    In her book Mutant Down Under, Marlo Morgan asked the aboriginal wise woman/grandmother which was more important in their culture – men’s work or women’s work?  It took multiple translations back and forth before the grandmother replied, “I understand her words, but her question does not make sense.  Both men and women’s work is essential for the survival of the tribe.” 

Look at our school systems, our health care system, our economy, the environment and our government.   The survival of our tribe is at stake!

We must start with our inner world.  And it will come as no surprise that the quickest way to find your inner roadmap (its joys, its detours and potholes) is to raise a child.  For women having our daughters enter adolescence can be a loud wake up call to our own unprocessed issues about being a woman.

The survival of our human tribe depends on women learning to influence the fabric of our culture from our deep inner feminine wisdom.  We must walk away from the trance of our culture and remember our place in the circle of life.  We must remember our worth, so we speak our truth and inspire ourselves and our men to bold acts of integrity and soul filled businesses, governments, and economies.  It is within our grasp.

Sorry — how often do you say it?

This Pantene ad uncomfortably depicts our unnatural tendency as women to apologize for everything –even mundane daily nuances, repeating “sorry” whenever someone might be displeased.  Is it true?  Do you?  I confess, I still say sorry way too often in way too many circumstances where it is not the needed response.

As I became aware of it years ago I said it less–and still saying sorry is my tendency.  It’s almost like having the doctor tap that little hammer on my knee and up flies my leg; only it is every possible time I accidentally bump into another human being physically or emotionally–oops, sorry–even if is they who are doing the bumping!

I never thought of it as a gender based issue, just a personal flaw of mine.  Yet, after watching this ad and reading some of the interesting write ups on women apologizing, I am starting to notice how many of my female friends and colleagues are plagued with this “verbal tic” as Bonnie Marcus labeled it.  You might enjoy reading some of the research, CNN’s Kelly Wallace found of two studies showing men having a higher threshold as to what they need to apologize for and Gwen Moran’s excellent write up giving solutions.  She looks at women’s predominant tendency to say “sorry” and then offers three important habit changers–find another phrase, get someone to audit you and give you feedback, and ….silence.

We will talk more later about the different ways we can improve our strength in relating to others without feeling pushed around or having to push.  But not right now–sorry!

 

Are you free?

Are you free? Independent? Sovereign?  What does it mean to be these things?  For some it can mean being alone and lonely.  For others it can represent a burst of life force and spontaneity.  For yet others it is in rebellion or pushing away from someone or something.

Today in the United States we are celebrating our nation’s beginnings as a free state.  While enjoying the festivities, I encourage you to look at your own definition of independence and then assess your own internal nation-state.  Where do you hold yourself hostage?  What parts of your life would you like to emancipate?  What can you do today, this week, this month to feel more self-reliant?

Be bold.  The beginning of anything important never started with meek and mild attitudes or timid actions.  Where do you want to be and what do you want to be doing?  More importantly who do you want do be? Use the energy and momentum of today, stand on the shoulders of great people who were willing to risk it all to be free.  “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.’ ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Take steps today to free yourself from whatever is holding you back from letting your light shine.  Be your own fireworks!

You’ve Come a Long Way Baby

When I was young there were no women on Capitol Hill or in the Fortune 500 board rooms.  Today things have changed.  Today there are women in positions of leadership in government, business, health, law, science and education.  We are nowhere close to equality in numbers, yet we are present in most areas of power.  Just like the Virginia Slim commercials from when I was growing up said, “We have come a long way, baby!”

And just like those cigarette ads did not tell me–a 14-year-old girl–a lot of other things then, so does our complacency now that we have come a long way not convey the inexplicable long way we still need to go.  Today, I was looking at an online Forbes article about a Harvard-backed start up.  At the end of the article were a number of advertisements one of which was titled “Hottest Female Democratic Politicians.”  I am still in shock.  Did I really just see that?  I was going to put the link here to prove to you it was real, but I just can’t–because then more people will click on it and what we fear to be true will grow rather than diminish.

We must look for ways to instill in ourselves and in our youth a value of the feminine that makes this type of vandalism of the feminine soul a thing of the past.  It isn’t enough to be a women in politics. We must be able to be fully feminine and yet still strong; sexual rather than a-sexual yet demand not to be considered a sex object; decisive and forceful and not considered a bitch.   These are things that cannot be changed by laws and threats.  These are attitudes that must be replaced one by one by attitudes empowering women and men.  I plan to look at ways in myself that I help perpetuate this type of thing.  I would love to hear your thoughts?